Unfiltered Story #47598

Honolulu, HI, USA | Unfiltered | October 28, 2015

(We’re watching the dragon scene in the fourth Harry Potter movie)

MOM: Who’s that?

DAD: Harry Potter

MOM: What is he doing?

ME: Riding a broom.

MOM: Why is he on a broom?

MY SISTER: Because he’s a wizard!

MOM: What’s a wizard?

Unfiltered Story #32171

Az, USA | Unfiltered | October 27, 2015

(I’m walking wit my new boyfriend to his next class. At this time I’m telling him the story of how my best friend kicked a d***** in the nuts.)

Me: …And she like flipped out and kicked him in the nalls. Buts. Balls. *frustrated and blushing* I can’t do the English stuffs.

Unfiltered Story #66986

Australia | Unfiltered | October 27, 2015

Me: “I’ll have <item> and <item> thanks.”

Cashier: “Sure. Is that all?”

(Unfortunately, I misheard her and thought she asked “Are you South African?”)

Me: *confused* “No?”

(The woman, looking a bit bemused, waits patiently for the rest of my order.)

Cashier: “So did you want anything else?”

Me: “Oh, no thanks.”

(Later, the friend I was with asked me about my weird behavior, and I realised that I had misheard)

Unfiltered Story #27901

London | Unfiltered | October 27, 2015

My friend, who is studying to become a teacher, suggests joining her on a trip to London. Once I’m there, I realize so is an entire school class and half of their parents, meaning this is going to be one boring trip from hell. The last evening, I demand to do fun stuff for adults for once, going to the roughest night club I could find online. She is scared to go there with me (18 and female), so procures a chaperone at the very last moment, a 37-year-old father. A couple of minutes after we have arrived at the club, the following happens:

Chaperone: *horrified* “I just got asked if I want to buy drugs in the restroom.”

Me: *cheerily, since I really don’t like the unwelcome addition* “Cool! So what have you brought us?”

Chaperone: *indignantly* “How dare you! Other than both of you, I don’t do harmful and dangerous things like drugs! I am a good role model for my children!” *knocks down his hard liquor and lights a cigarette*

Friend: *defensively, gasping for air* “I’ve never even tried drugs!”

Me: *to friend, ignoring the chaperone* “Oh, I haven’t either. I just had to assume this was what you got us the sleazy old guy for.”

Needless to say, this was the last trip we ever took together.

Unfiltered Story #47597

Chicago, IL | Unfiltered | October 27, 2015

(I’ve just had dinner with my parents and we go out to the parking lot, where my car’s parked next to theirs.)

Dad: Did you know your hubcap’s missing?

Me: WHAT?!?

Dad: Did you know your hubcap’s missing?

Me *staring at the tire*: What???

Dad: Did you know your hubcap’s missing?

Me: What the–?

Dad: Your hubcap, the thing that covers your wheel, it’s–

Me: No, I know! I know. And no, I don’t know where it went!

Page 1,242/1,273First...1,2401,2411,2421,2431,244...Last