I’m home with young daughter when I suddenly get a painful cramp in my leg.

Me: Ow!

Three-year-old: What, Mom?

Me: I have a charley horse.

Three-year-old (in all sincerity): Sorry, Charley.

I’m on my phone walking from the bathroom to the breakroom. I don’t have a nametag or vest or anything. I’m walking through our Christmas dept when the receptionist picks back up and a customer starts asking if I work there. I told her “not for another 10 minutes” and started telling the lady on the phone what was going on (possible pregnancy problem needed to be seen ASAP). While I’m talking to this nurse this lady is asking me about Christmas lights. I said “ma’am I’m making a doctor’s appointment” and she ignored me and went on to say “I can’t find them at Lowe’s or anywhere”. I walked away.

(It’s my birthday. My preschool-age daughter is sitting at the table having breakfast when I come into the kitchen. Shortly after, she lets an absolute ripper of a fart..)

Daughter: “That’s my bum saying “Happy Birthday “, Mammy!”

(I work in a supermarket. Tonight I was monitoring the self service area when a couple came through with alcohol. Both of them were young and my supervisor asked me to ID them.)

Me: Hiya! Would you guys possibly have any ID on you tonight?

Women: Yea I have mine, but he doesn’t.

Me: I’m really sorry, but unfortunately due to our party laws, you both have to produce ID otherwise it’s a $2000 fine for me if i sell this to you.

Man: But i’m obviously over 25, why can’t you just sell it?

Me: Sorry, but it’s not my call. You look young and I was asked to ID you so there’s nothing I can do about this.

Man: What the f@¡$!!!! F@¡$ you and this store! Can’t a guy get a box around here anymore? Just f@¡$ing sell it to me!

Me: I’m sorry but law is law, and you can come and get it if you have valid ID ok you but until then you’ll have to go without it.

Man: You f@¡$ing b!@&¡. F@¡$ you!

(The man and his girlfriend then left, with him swearing and her looking completely embarrassed. I’m 15, and I’m just trying to do my job. So next time before you start swearing at a worker somewhere, PLEASE keep in mind it isn’t their fault – we have to follow the law)

Mom: “What does that say?”

Me: “Belly buttons.”

Mom: “Oh, I thought it said bell-bottoms!”