(We are eating dinner.)
Dad: “Man, I feel like cr**.”
Mom: “We’re eating dinner! Don’t say that at the dinner table.”
Me: “Poop?”
Dad: “Fine, I don’t feel so good.”
Me: “The other word for poop?”
(Everyone bursts out laughing.)

I have awful anxiety, particularly of the social variety. This is important.

There’s a store in my town that advertises everything as being $5 or below…sort of a slightly souped up dollar store. My fella and I were out trying to find a non-packed place to eat (impossible, there were tears, we settled on Hardee’s.) On our way home, we decided to stop in at this store to try and pick up some things for our daughter’s Christmas stocking. Naturally, being the second to last weekend before Christmas, everyone else had the same idea.

The place is packed, people are staggered willy nilly through the aisles, everyone’s in my face, in my space, blocking where I want to go and I. just. want. to. leave. I am not doing well.

I make it through the store, have an armful of loot – because getting this kiddo some awesome candy and a big silky purple sloth is very important – and approach the cashier. Fella has been off somewhere browsing, but joins me at the register when I’m nearly done. On our way out, he says to the cashier, “I hope you get less busy!” He’s a friendly chap. I, in my infinite wisdom and peak social ability, say, “Oh, she won’t!” as I make a beeline for the at least more roomy parking lot.

Later on, I realize to my horror that I have become one of those people who retail workers have to deal with for hours on end that say the most stupid things. I feel on par with the folks who make the “joke” that if there’s no price sticker, the item must be free. I feel like the person who says they feel bad a cashier has to work on a holiday, but the only reason THEY have to work is because people like ME simply must shop. I didn’t mean it that way. I think I thought I was expressing some kind of solidarity in the face of an awful Christmas mob… “No, it won’t get any better, but we’ll soldier on!” But instead I said that no, her day WOULDN’T get any better, and then made my escape while she remained, stuck.

I’m a horrible person. ><

A couple of co-workers and I are laughing about something and a customer told us we are not supposed to have fun at work.

I work the front desk at an assisted living home. At the time of morning I get in, the residents are mostly in the dining room having breakfast. This morning, I’m late because of the first big snow of the year, so I’m in a mood when I get to work. I decide to do an experiment, since now that I’m at work at not dead from the horrible roads, I’m feeling rather punchy.

Me: *turns on Christmas music playlist at and waits to see how long before a coworker notices*
Coworker: *two minutes later, pops head around corner* [My Name]…what the actual f***?!

We both cracked up laughing and the music stayed on.

(I wear scrubs at work and on this day, I was wearing red ones. The employees at this store wear red shirts so I understand the confusion. On the other hand, my name tag and office logo were plainly visible)

Me: *walks out of the dressing room with some clothes after trying them on*

Lady: there you are! Can I have a dressing room?

Me: uh, sure. I just got out of that one, you can use it

Lady: thank you, and can you also find these pants in a different size?

Me: *still not understanding* sorry, I don’t think I’m the best person to help you *points to an actual employee* I’d try asking her. She looks like she knows what she’s doing!

Lady: oh I see, pawning the real work off on your coworkers *turns and huffs away*

Later the employee I’d pointed out asked me if I worked there and obviously I said no.

Employee: didn’t think so

I watched her go over and say something to the lady from before which she did not seem to like. I didn’t stick around to see what happened because I had to get back to my actual job