So, I worked for a cult brand start-up (you know the type, ppl freak out over small things)

Me: Hi! Thanks so much for calling (company)! How can I help?
Customer: You listen here, why haven’t I received my box?! (Starts cursing like a sailor on leave)
Me: Goodness, I’m sorry your box never made it to you, let me take a look at your account. See what’s going on here.
Customer: I don’t have time for your bulls**** chit chat, find my box, mail it to me today or that’s your a**!
Me: Happy to see what I can do to help
Customer: You f****** better! I run my own Kombucha company (continues to scream and lose her mind while peppering in random info about her company.
Me: Hm, this is strange. Says here (looking at tracking info) that the box was discarded due to damage. I’m so sorry about this (customer name)

Customer: You f***** idiots had my box thrown out?! I’ll be the one who decides if it’s damaged! I bet it’s not even damaged! I want a box TONIGHT. I’m done talking to you! I expect a credit, a box at my house before (random time next day) and a call back confirming this. *click*
Me: Well that sucked. *works on sending a new box bc her spend amount is super high*
Manager: Jeez, you okay? What was that about?
Me: Retells story of how irate customer chewed me out over box.
Manager: That’s unacceptable, we’re not sending her another box. She’d like a call back? That we can do. She can take her refund and deal with not having a box. We can’t reward that kind of behavior or treatment of our team.
Senior team leader: *writes really long email about how that kind of behavior won’t be tolerated. Followed by issuing a refund and refusing to ship/create another box to customer* *Follows up email with call*
*No answer*
Customer: *Answers email, denies any wrongdoing and claims she never asked for a new box or a call back.
My entire team: There’s pie and ice cream in the kitchen.

(This takes place in 1997. I am eleven at the time of this story, and I have a very strict pair of teachers. I also am extremely shy and have no friends because all of mine from elementary school were sent to another middle school. I am teased often, and I do everything possible to not bring attention to myself. It is important to note that while my teachers are strict, my first teacher of the day lets us chew gum and the second does not. For whatever reason, I forget to spit mine out and my second teacher asks me about it right before we go to gym.)
Teacher: (My name) are you chewing gum?
Me: *panicking because she has brought attention to me and I have seen her berate children before and also not swallowing it because I believe it will stay in my stomach forever* No ma’am. *cheeks gum
(I wait until we are in gym and head for the trash can to spit it out. Unbeknownst to me, the gym teacher sees this and tells my second teacher.)
Teacher: (My name) Mrs. (Gym Teacher) said you spit gum in the trash at the beginning of gym. You lied to me. I cannot tolerate this level of behavior in my class. I cannot believe you would lie to me! I’m going to call your mother this afternoon. We will see what she has to say about your little stunt. (She is raising her voice and doing this at the side of the classroom, and everyone can see and hear this. Some are snickering.)
(A little background before I mention my reply. My mom works in a textile factory that has cut wages recently due to a drop in sales. My mom is a single parent who gets no help from my dad. As this is before cell phones, we only had a landline. Due to her cut in pay, our landline has been cut off.)
Me: Mrs. (Teacher) you can’t call my mom bec…
Teacher: (Interrupts me) Do not tell me WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO! I’m going to call her this afternoon and mention this disrespectful behavior to her. Go and sit down!
(I know that the class is amused, and many are laughing. I have the best grades in the class and have never been in trouble before. I never talk in class, and I have never even so much as seen the inside of the principal’s office. I am stunned she is so mad over gum. Knowing I will get in trouble I confess to my mom that afternoon. My mom once grounded me because a friend’s brother had on a show she objected to and she found out I didn’t leave the room, so I am terrified. However, it isn’t all bad. She thinks a call is an overkill, but she grounds me for lying. I have to go to bed early every night for a week and cannot go outside at all. School the next day is a different story.)
Teacher: (My name) I called your house yesterday and it seems the phone is disconnected. Why didn’t you tell me? It’s important to have a phone! I’m going to call your mother at work today during lunch. I hope you know I am losing my lunchtime to handle this.
(I have now begun to really panic. Several of my mom’s coworkers were let go for attendance issues or being less productive to ensure that others have jobs. Her getting a call at work is considered a no-no and she could potentially be penalized if it’s frivolous. I beg her not to. When she can’t get through, she sends a letter home with me explaining what I have done and requested a conference for that week during lunch. My writes her a note that politely refuses and explains I have already been punished. My teacher sees red and berates me again.)
Teacher: I am calling your mother AGAIN at lunch. This is so rude. I need her to come have a conference with me! Your behavior is out of control lately. First the gum, then not telling me about the phone and backtalking, and now your mother can’t be bothered to show up?
(It’s worth noting my mom works over 45 minutes away in NC and she would basically need to give up half a day of work to come.)
(Fast forward to the end of the year. Not one more word is said to me about the gum incident and my other teacher reminds me of my grades and good attendance as well as the fact I won first place in the accelerated reader program in the other teacher’s class. We have a good conduct part at the end of the year for students who have an S in progress and behavior for every six weeks of school that year. My first teacher lines us up and I get in my spot. My second teacher sees me in the line and comes over.)
Teacher: (My name) why are you in line for the party? You know you can’t go! I can’t believe you think you get to go when you so blatantly lied to me about that gum! You have to sit in my room with the other students who aren’t attending.
(I am STUNNED. The gum incident was months ago and I never saw an N on my report card nor was it discussed with me at all after the last time my teacher mentioned it. It’s also worth mentioning that at my school dress code violations result in an N on your progress report and several girls in my class are now underdressed and have been for a large part of the spring.)
Me: But Mrs. (Teacher) what about Girl #1, Girl #2, and Girl #3? They all wore tanks tops and short shorts and they get to go. And Girl #4 came to school in a see-through shirt and was written up and sent home yesterday! Why aren’t they being punished?
Teacher: (My name) it’s rude to announce people’s misbehaviors so loudly! On top of that, you lied about that gum. We can’t have liars in our building. Besides, you knew what punishment lying to me would bring. I cannot believe your nerve!
(So basically, I had to sit in her classroom with kids who started fights, got suspended, cursed, backtalked, or had serious infractions because I lied about chewing gum because I was afraid of being berated…..and was berated anyway. Since it was the last day of school my mom didn’t bother to complain. Now I am a teacher, and I keep gum in my desk and chew it when I want, and I also share with students on the condition no gum is stuck under the desks, in hair, or left on the floor. I can say there is no gum under my desks! Maybe that was what she was worried about?)

(It’s the week before Christmas, and I’m stocking shelves in a large retail chain. I accidentally drop a box of cans.)

Customer: “Could you be a little louder? A**hole!”
Me: *brief pause* “Merry Christmas, sir.”
Customer: “F**K YOU!” *stomps off*

I’m picking up my dog from the groomer after his bath when I overhear this conversation between the two employees:
Employee 1: He has a large skin tag near his anus.
Employee 2: His anus?
Employee 1: Well, “anus” sounds more professional than “butthole.”

I was in a marching band, and we got to take a trip from Alaska to Germany and France for the 75th anniversary of D-Day. When we got there, we were split into Bus 1 group and Bus 2 group. My sister was on bus 1 and I was on bus 2. The bus driver for bus 2 was from Amsterdam and this was his first time in France. We were late to almost all of our events because he kept getting lost. At one point we were just circling a round-a-bout for at least 20 minutes while he looked up google maps. Another time there was a + intersection, imagine we were on the left line and we needed to get to the up line, and the right line and down lines were connected, so we could have just gone from left to right, then down to up. Instead our bus driver did an 18-point turn in the MIDDLE OF A BUSY INTERSECTION stopping traffic for AT LEAST 10 minutes to get directly from left to up. He ran into a car, backed into a building, and, I’m not sure, but I think he ran over a bicyclist, trying to get to the up line. And all the while bus one is stuck in the traffic jam bus 2 caused and later my sister told me that her bus’s tour guide said, “And that bus driver is an idiot.” After bus two FINALLY made it through the up line, bus 1 went left to right, down to up.