Unfiltered Story #67114

Unfiltered | March 3, 2016

Me: Thank you for calling the Office of Waste Collection, this is [me], how can I help you?

Customer: Hi, my name is [Name], and I’m calling about ### East [StateName] Street. Our garbage can was stolen.

(Note: the area we service is on a grid pattern so the streets are numbered. There are very few “named” streets, and most of those that are have names of nearby cities or local landmarks.)

Me: *pauses, then repeats address back to customer to be certain I have it correct*

Customer: *confirms*

Address: *not in database1*

Me: *wasn’t expecting it to show up, not with that street name* Ma’am, is this in an apartment complex or a subdivision?

(Some complexes and some subdivisions have their own street-naming scheme. Those that do generally are also commercially contracted with the garbage haulers directly.)

Customer: It’s actually a business. [Name] Insurance.

Me: Our office actually doesn’t service businesses.

(Our office only serves residential customers. Commercial properties have to set up their own service. Our office is not involved.)

Customer: Well, I found your address online…

Me: *spider sense starts tingling* I can still try looking up the address, but I don’t believe I’ll find it.

Address: *not in database2* *and if the address is legit it should be in database2, as database2 is linked to the property appraiser’s office*

Me: *follows a hunch* *googles “### e [statename] st”*

Google: *have some completely unexpected results!*

Me: *frowns at screen* Ma’am, are you in [my city]?

Customer: Yes.

Me: *……..* *lemme try that again* *googles “### e [statename] st, [my city]”*

Google: *have more results of an almost identical nature to the previous search!*

Me: *……………..* Are you in Texas by chance?

Customer: Yes.

Me: Ma’am, we’re in Florida.

Customer: Oh. Okay, thank you! *hangsup*

Me: *just…wat.*

Unfiltered Story #28027

Unfiltered | March 3, 2016

(We are at a popular theme park that is very much crowded with people. I am with my step-dad and little brother.)

All Three Of Us: *spots two girls wearing long tank tops with barely visible shorts on underneath*

Step-dad: You might as well go naked!

(The two girls looked back at us, shocked and offended of course)

Little Brother: Dad, you may have said that louder than you thought.

Step-Dad: No, I said that just the way I wanted!

(We stopped by the restrooms, and my step-dad went to the bathroom. My little brother and I sat on a bench. The two girls walked by us again and one glared at me right in the eyes.)

Me: (As soon as they walked by) Oh my God, I know her! She used to go to our school!

Little Brother: Well, crap.

Unfiltered Story #56749

Unfiltered | March 3, 2016

(I get a call from an unknown number, but since I’ve been applying for jobs, I answer it regardless).

Man: Hello how are you?

Me: I’m fine. …. May I ask who is calling.

Man: Yes this is a collection agency for unclaimed money. You have an unclaimed traveler’s check for thirty-five hundred dollars.

(I start thinking this is a scam but am also very confused, and decide to give him the benefit of the doubt)

Man: Have you received. our letters and phone calls about this? It is very serious.

Me: I haven’t received anything, but I don’t use traveler’s checks so I think you have the wrong number.

Man: F**K YOU! (Aggressively hangs up)

Me: (Happily walks away without having $3,500 being stolen from me).

Unfiltered Story #47724

Unfiltered | March 3, 2016

[My sisters and I are all grown and live in different towns, but we and our mother all live within the same twenty-mile radius. As I am getting ready for work one day, my phone rings. I see my mother is calling.]

Me: Hello?

Mom: What the h*** is all over the road?!

Me: …what?

Mom: There are stones and junk all over the road! I can hear them flying up and hitting my car! What is this?!?

Me: How in the world would I know?!

Mom: *pauses* …[my name]?

Me: Yeah?

Mom: I dialed the wrong daughter.

[It turned out she was driving on the same street where my sister lives, and they were putting down what they call “oil and chips”. She was trying to call my sister and somehow got me instead.]

Unfiltered Story #32294

Unfiltered | March 2, 2016

(title) And Then God Sent a Plague of Bagels on the Egyptians

(I have a obsession with bagels and I often say things about bagels during class. Today I have substitute teacher that is teaching us about the history of Judaism)

Me: *raises hand*

Teacher: “Yes?”

Me: “Did God send a Plague of bagels on the Egyptians?”

(Cue Class Laughing)