Unfiltered Story #56637

England | Unfiltered | November 8, 2015

My boss is a hothead and somewhat clueless, unfortunately a lot of my role is figuring simple things out for him.

Manager: (my name) was there any lifting equipment in (room).

Me: No I don’t believe so, I would have remembered something like that.

Manager: Make sure please, I want to know for sure.

(It was a bit of an odd request but simple enough, lifting equipment is huge and has to be bolted down leaving a permanent outline where it used to be and four large bolts sticking out of the floor.

Knowing my boss can be such a pain I meticulously look over the whole floor area, move parts around. And double check with staff in the room, team leaders of the department and engineers who have been with the company since it opened.)

Me: Hey boss, just to let you know, there has never been any lifting equipment in that room.

(I think that it’s over, until I get a snarky email, telling me that I don’t follow through with my work, that (my bass) has had to do my work for me and how disappointed he was.)

Me: (angry) So who exactly has told you that there was a crane in the room?

Manager: (facilities manager) did. Frankly I expected better of you, I give you a simple job to do and you fail miserably.

Me: You’ve got it wrong, there is no way that i’m wrong.

Manager: (blowing up) fine! i’ll call him and when he gets here you will see.

(moments later)

Manager: Tell HIM. what you told me!

Facilities manager: What? he know we arranged it together.

Manager: See! See! you knew about this all along. I don’t know what’s wrong with you!

Me: Hang on, (to Facilities manager) has there been any lifting equipment in (room)?

Facilities manager: no of course not.

Manager: But you told me that there was.

Facilities manager: No, I told you , in very clear detail that there was a lifter in (other room). That is the one (my name) arranged to be removed.

Me: Thank you, (to my manager) are we finished here?

(I don’t wait for a response, as I knew there would never be an apology coming. this sort of thing happens every week, I can’t wait to find somewhere else to work.)

Unfiltered Story #66997

Franklin, TN | Unfiltered | November 7, 2015

<i>I work at a major national department store. The manager on duty walks by me, on the phone with a customer:</i>

<b>Manager</b>: No, I’m sorry, we don’t price match Amazon.

<i>I roll my eyes so hard I worry they’ll detach completely.</i>

Unfiltered Story #27910

South America | Unfiltered | November 7, 2015

(For context, friend 1 and i are female frequently lurk around tumblr (the site where minorities bash white, straight, cis people) while friend 2 is male and lurks on 4chan (the site where everyone is racist, sexist, ableist and has some kind of illicit porn or gore files). we’re explaining tumblr’s sexualities to him.

Me: and pansexual is when you dont care about gender and you want to bone a person; or romance them, if you’re asexual

friend 2: (perplexed) isn’t that bisexual?

me: no, no, bisecual is when you like two or more genders, not all of them

friend 2: but aren’t the only sexes male and female?

me: those are biological sexes, we’re talking about gender. Like, for example, friend 1 is biologically female but is a demi-girl

friend 2: *dramatically puts a hand on his chest* the fuck is that!?

friend 1: it means i’m basically half female; i dont feel like a female at all

me: nor she feels the need to romance or fuck another person, because she’s asexual and aromantic

friend 2: *fakes a light heart attack* oh god…

friend 1: no, actually you said i was autochorissexual because i liked porn but didnt liked the idea of doing the porn

friend 2: *looks like he’s about to pass out* aw naw! this tumblr special snowflake thing is killing me!

me: *snickering* and hang on, because im actually panromantic and bisexual! yes! you can mix and match them

(friend 2 fakes a seizure while friend 1 and i laugh our asses off)

friend 2: you and your fucking snowflake fake sexualities…

me: you and your cheap gory porn…

Unfiltered Story #47608

California | Unfiltered | November 7, 2015

(I am at a picnic family reunion, talking to and eating lunch with my 7-year-old cousin. He is eating pretty large quantities of watermelon.)

Me: Is watermelon your favorite?

Cousin: Yep, my favorite melon.

Me: Cool, mine too. What’s your favorite overall fruit?

Cousin: Cantalope.

Unfiltered Story #56636

Melbourne, Australia | Unfiltered | November 7, 2015

[A friend of mine has volunteered to teach people how to play a collectible card game at a big gaming convention. His final session on the final day is teaching the game to a pair of deaf players. He doesn’t know any sign language at all, but one of the players can lip read and speak, so she interprets for her friend. It’s slow going, but he enjoys the challenge. I show up to give him a lift home as he is finishing up.]

Deaf player #1: “Thanks for your patience. you’re an excellent teacher.”

Deaf player #2: [In sign language.] Thanks!

[Not knowing any sign language, my friend mimics the sign for thanks back to them, and both players crack up laughing. They say thanks again and leave, still giggling.]

Friend: [To me.] “Do you know any sign language?”

Me: “A little bit. Why?”

Friend: “I tried to say thanks back to those two, but they laughed. I think I might have done the sign wrong.”

Me: [I show him the sign for thankyou.] “Did you do it like this?”

Friend: “Uh… something like that.”

Me: “Did you have your fingers together and straight?”

Friend: “No, I had them apart.”

Me: “Oh… Oh no. Wait. Did you use all four fingers?”

Friend: “No, I think I only used two.”

Me: “Oh god. Did you do this?” [I make a sign with a two-finger V-shape near my mouth.]

Friend: “Yeah, that was it.”

[I burst out laughing and can’t stop giggling.]

Friend” “What? What did I say?”

Me: “I’m not absolutely sure, but I think you made the sign for… uh… performing oral sex on a woman.”

Friend: [Stares at me for a long ten seconds.] “Oh. Wow. I’m glad they had a sense of humour about it!”

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