Unfiltered Story #32341

Unfiltered | April 17, 2016

I work in a high school library, which means almost all of our patrons were born in the 21st century and many have had home computers their whole lives. They rarely have trouble with our computer lab. But, for some reason, printing causes them massive confusion. We have one color printer, but it’s only accessible from a special computer, and 2 black and white printers that anyone can use. Originally we named those Main Printer and Second Printer–and if you look at the printers themselves, there are bright signs reading “Main Printer” and “Second Printer: Use Only if Main Printer is Down.”

Somehow, that wasn’t clear enough, and we constantly had students ask which printer to use. So we changed the way the printers appear on the computers: now when you go to print, the automatically selected printer is named “Main Printer- Use This One!”

I still have to answer this question twice a week:

Student: *staring right at the printer options on the screen* “Which printer do I use?”

Unfiltered Story #67156

Unfiltered | April 17, 2016

(We are on a busy road that runs from east to west. An old man approaches me. It’s 6 AM, and the sun is just peeking out.)

Old Man: “I need to go west on this road. So west is which way?”

Me: “West is that way.” *points*

Old Man: “No, you’re wrong!”

Me: “Huh?”

Old Man: “The sun rises in the west so west would be there, where the sun is!”

Me: “Um. No sir. The sun rises in the east here. So west would be away from it where it rises.”

(The old man starts arguing heatedly, claiming his know what he’s talking about and that I’m wrong. I stick to my story, knowing I’m right. The phone rings and I answer other customers. Meanwhile the old man’s expression changes from angry to thoughtful, then FINALLY to realization. When I finish with the other customers, he approaches me again humbly.)

Old Man: “You were right.” *walks away*

Unfiltered Story #47765

Unfiltered | April 17, 2016

(Sister number 2 is just a friend of mine, not actually my sister, while sister number 1 is my biological sister. I’m 19, sister 1 is 22, and sister 3 is 30.)

Mom: You almost need a corset for that shirt.

Sister 1: I’m sorry I have big boobs!

Mom: You don’t have big boobs; you have gazombas.

Sister 1: They’re only a C cup! *me* is a double D!

Sister 2: *looks me* I hate you.

Unfiltered Story #56794

Unfiltered | April 16, 2016

I’ve been getting calls from home security scammers so I decided to mess with them a bit. After getting through the robocall to figure out if I’m eligible, they hooked me up with a rep. The story starts here:

Scammer: Hey, I was calling to give you our special deal for a home security system *launches into a bog-standard pitch about a free security system that only asks me to advertise their company and most certainly does not sneak in hidden fees* can I get your zip code to see if we work in your area?

Me: Sure, let me look it up. *Takes a good long time trying to find the information*

Scammer: Um… I notice your area code is from $STATE…

Me: Actually, I don’t live there anymore. (which is a complete lie)

Scammer: Ah, okay.

Me: Okay, I got it. It’s 65305.

Scammer: Okay… Wow! We got a lot workers there! *Launches into another sales pitch about their options* … we also have a motion detector in case any intruder gets into an unguarded entry point…

Me: Wait, what’s the false positive rate on those things ’cause I don’t want the guards to go all “shoot to kill” on some random janitor. (This should have been the first warning sign)

Scammer: Um, okay. It is very much optional, we will send one of our guys there to *continues into pitch*

Me: (thinking) Wha…?

Scammer: *Winds to an end* …do you have any questions?

Me: Yeah, can you send anyone that has a security clearance?

Scammer: We certainly can. Can I have your address so we can send a rep over.

Me: (thinking) How stupid can you be?

Me: Er… it’s not that simple. I’m going to have to clear this with the base commander. I mean, we do store nukes here, we don’t want anyone to just walk off with them.

S: *Not missing a beat* Yeah, that would be bad. Tell you what, you can call us at $PHONENUMBER and my extension is $EXTENSION. Call me back when you make a decision, alright?

M: Okay, bye. *Hangs up*

It was then that I had a good hearty laugh, probably to the confusion of everyone around me.

Unfiltered Story #18418

Unfiltered | April 16, 2016

( I am a sixteen year old girl who, unlike others, I love to ride my scooter around to clear my head. I decide to buy some ice cream for myself because it’s burning hot outside. I then see a middle-aged man right behind me. Note: I love making small talk when I’m not doing anything.)

Me: Man, it sure is hot out.

Man: Sure is, are you okay?

Me: Yeah, fine, just rode my scooter from [My town] to here.

Man: Oh, why would you do that?

Me: Because it’s fun, and I like to exercise when I’m bored.

(The man chuckles, and thinking that’s the end of the conversation, I turn forward. When it’s my turn to pay, I reach into my wallet. But the man speaks up.)

Man: No, no, I’ll pay.

Me: What? Really?

Man: Of course, it’s great seeing young people care about their body, good luck exercising.

( The man then paid and left before I can say thank you. So if you’re reading this, thank you so much. And yes, the ice cream was delicious!)