Unfiltered Story #56622

Warrington, England | Unfiltered | October 24, 2015

(I need to replace some batteries. I go to the admin office.)

Me: Do we have any D batteries?

Admin: What are D batteries?

Me: Well, they’re about this long [indicating ~2″] and this wide [indicating ~1″].

Admin: I don’t think so, but if we have any, they’ll be on the second shelf.

(It takes me about 10 seconds to find some.)

Me: Here they are.

Admin: You said they were rectangular.

Me: No, I said how long and wide they were. They’re round just like most batteries. (Pause. Points to big letter clearly printed on pack of batteries.) D.

Admin: I’ll “D” you!

Me: (Grins, ducks and runs.)

Unfiltered Story #32167

San Jose, CA, USA | Unfiltered | October 23, 2015

It’s the first day of class and the teacher is known for being a jokester, this conversation takes place when we are asked our names.

Student: Hi my name is [unique name]

Teacher: that’s an interesting name, how did your parents come up with that?

Student: oh my parents put their names together and then my mom got pregnant

Teacher: that’s weird, people usually put other things together to get pregnant

Rest of Class: Laughing

Unfiltered Story #66982

Dallas,TX,USA | Unfiltered | October 23, 2015

I am working as a front counter cashier of a fast-food restaurant. A man enters to use our restroom, and then leaves. I think nothing of it until he comes back about ten minutes later. It is a slow time of day and no one has come in since he originally left.

Man: My scarf is missing! I left it in the bathroom, and now it is gone.

Me: I’m sorry, but no one has come in since you left.

Man:It was there! I came in with it and left it, and now it is gone.

I go to check the bathrooms, but there is no sign of the scarf.

Man: Do you know how much that cost?! That was a $200 dollar scarf! It was a present and now it is gone and its all YOUR fault.

Me: I’m sorry about your scarf, I will keep an eye out for it.

Man: No! I want my scarf! Someone took it from the bathroom and I want it back!

Did you take it! Tell me! I want my scarf!

Me: I haven’t seen your scarf!

Another customer enters so I go to help her, meanwhile the man starts shouting at all the employees in general.

Man: I know one of you has the scarf! Let me come back there and search everyone. That is my scarves and you all are nothing but a bunch of thieves! I’m going to call the cops!

After a few more minutes of yelling, which the other employees all ignore and I am, he finally leaves.

Other Customer: Damn, I seriously doubt his scarf was worth $200.

Unfiltered Story #27895

Provo, UT | Unfiltered | October 23, 2015

(I am friends with the girl dating my brother and while he’s away, I’ve been keeping in touch with her. At the beginning of term, I find out that we’re both auditioning for a very competitive choir, where one year, there were 800 singers vying for 170 spots.)

Me: It would be so much fun if we both got into Women’s Chorus!

Friend: I know! We’d have so many excuses to hang out.

(Unfortunately, when the list goes up, I find my name on the final roster, but not hers. Right on cue, she calls.)

Me: Hey, [friend].

Friend: [my name]! I saw you got into Women’s Chorus! That’s awesome!

Me: Thank you! I’m sorry you didn’t, but…

Friend (after a pause): Because I’m going to be in concert choir.

(This is an even more elite group.)

Me: Well, we’ll still have concerts together!

(She’s now my sister-in-law and I have no idea if she remembers this.)

Unfiltered Story #47593

Rotherham, UK | Unfiltered | October 23, 2015

(We are having cheese and biscuits at my auntie’s house after dinner, we often laugh at my auntie as she has a habit of breaking things or saying silly things)

Auntie: “Be careful, some of these cheese are individually wrapped.”

Dad: “Yeah, and why do we need to be careful of them?”

Auntie: “Well, you might not know which they are.”

Dad: “I’ll hazard a guess that they are the ones wrapped individually.”

Auntie: “You don’t know that, you haven’t looked at the instructions!”

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