Unfiltered Story #47721

atlante GA USA | Unfiltered | February 29, 2016

(My dad and I are both on our computers. He is reading a news article entitled something like, “Pole vaulter condemns homosexuality” )

Me *turns around and looks at news article* “What the heck does homosexuality have to do with pole vaulting”

Dad: *not missing a beat* “It’s a euphemism.”

Me: *laughs hysterically* “Pole vaulting…IF you know what I mean.”

Unfiltered Story #32292

Cincinnati, OH, USA | Unfiltered | February 29, 2016

(In my Spanish class we are given Spanish names that are different from our real names. We have a substitute one day and she begins making Spanish jokes.)

Substitute: How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Just Juan.

(Everyone turns to the kid with the Spanish name of Juan and starts laughing.)

Juan: Ok, I get it, haha, very funny.

(As the Master of Puns, I see an pun-derful opportunity in front of me.)

Me: I guess you couldn’t take that Juan.

(Everyone laughs, including Juan.)

Me: That was a pretty good Juan if I do say so myself.

(More laughter.)

Me: Come on, I can’t be the only Juan making jokes here.

(After many more Juan puns, the substitute talks to me.)

Substitute: You’re pretty good at these.

Me: I know, they just keep coming Juan after another.

Substitute: Ok, now I challenge you to think of some Juan puns that don’t revolve around the word “one.”

Me: (without hesitation) But what if I don’t Juan-t to?

Unfiltered Story #67110

Bloomington, IN | Unfiltered | February 28, 2016

It is Martin Luther King day. Many businesses, including all city offices are closed, but the busses are running as usual. I pull the bus up to the door of an apartment building. The bus is on schedule. I am in uniform. The bus is half full of people.

Passenger: Oh honey! Are the busses running today?

Unfiltered Story #28022

WA, USA | Unfiltered | February 28, 2016

I make plans to have a girls’ night out at a bar I’ve had in mind for a while. I know what I’m getting myself into walking in, so I’m as calm as ever. My girlfriends and I have been seated for a couple hours when several college age men seat near me and become loud very quickly. I’ve had a few drinks at this point, but not enough to completely cloud my judgment.

Man #1: *spies me and my crew and turns to speak to his friends* I don’t know about the rest of you, but as for me, I can’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.

Since he was being so loud, I just had to say something, so I whip around in my seat. My friends just sit back and enjoy the show.

Me: Not to intrude, but just a friendly reminder that we don’t have any control over that. And for the record, I find it difficult to trust anything with two heads and only one brain.

All of his friends: Oh man! She really got you!

Man #1: *Childishly* Shut up.

Me: *unsure if that was directed at me or his friends* A word of advice: Don’t start something you can’t finish.

Unfiltered Story #56745

Chicago, IL, USA | Unfiltered | February 28, 2016

This story takes place in our employee break room. There are two other people in the room besides me. There is a large television, which is turned on but no one seems to be watching it. Another employee enters the room:

Co-Worker: Is anybody watching this? *gesturing toward the TV*

Me: I’m not, but I don’t know if anyone else is.

(No one else says anything.)

Co-Worker: Are you suuuuure you’re not watching it?

Me: Yep, I’m sure!

Co-Worker: Are you suuuuure?

Me: Yes, I am! I am sure I am not watching the TV?

Co-Worker: *starts conversation with another employee in the room. During the conversation, he changes the channel on the television.*

Me: Hey! I was watching that!

Co-Worker: I hate you.