(I’m a music education major, so for certain classes we have field placements where we go and observe classrooms in the community. This semester I have to move placements due to scheduling problems, so I start out at a kindergarten class during a time of year when a lot of sicknesses are going around and a lot of kids are out. The second week that I come in there’s double the amount of students and during free time I’m talking to some of them. One student draws both my and my host teacher’s attention with this question)
Student: Hey are you Miss [Host Teacher’s] girlfriend?
(I’m dealing with another student so I don’t answer right away, which causes him to loudly repeat the question.)
Student: ARE YOU MISS [Host Teacher’s] GIRLFRIEND?
Me: No, I’m a student from [nearby college] here to observe your class.
Student: that’s good because I don’t like your face.
(My host overhears that and he’s put in timeout and not allowed to sit with his friends at lunch. Apparently he’s often rude or acts out and had already been misbehaving that morning, so being rude to me was the last straw. I was offended at first, but now it’s kind of funny, especially because after this interaction he was always really well behaved for me.)

(My husband, daughter, and I are chatting in the kitchen. There is a lull in the conversation, and then:)
Husband: Who farted?
Daughter: I did.
Me: It was me.
(Daughter and I look at each other.)
Me: In stereo!
Daughter (to Husband): Run! Save yourself!

I’m sure I looked a little like a lunatic in this.
I’ve got a sticker on my mailbox asking for “no unaddressed publicity”, quite a common feature in this city. Usually people respect this, but in the five years I’ve lived here I’ve found flyers from one chain grocery store around the corner tucked in my mailbox about once or twice a year. I usually just chuck them in the trash.
It’s a Sunday morning, I’m still in my pyjamas and just lounging about when suddenly, I hear the sound of something being put in my mailbox. It being Sunday, I *know* it’s not a regular mail delivery. When I go to take a look, what do I find but a flyer from said grocery store! The person who delivered it is just putting one in my neighbours’ mailbox, so I take the flyer and go out to them. Note, I’m still in my pyjamas, barefoot, and it’s just above freezing.

Me: “Excuse me!”

(The delivery person doesn’t turn around or acknowledge me. This tends to piss me off, since there clearly isn’t anyone else I could be talking to.)

Me: “The sticker says ‘no unaddressed publicity’, and that means ‘no unaddressed publicity’!”

(Cue blank look from delivery person, still no acknowledgement of my existence.)

Me (freezing my toes off at this point, patience stretched more than a little thin): *slams the flyer down on the stack of yet-to-be-delivered flyers* “Keep it!”
*I stalk back into the house, barefoot, slamming the door behind me*

I was on a park bench with my girlfriend, waiting for some friends of ours to show up so we could go see a movie together. My girlfriend nudged me and pointed to short blonde preteen girl with long hair, pink highlights, large glasses, and a fake leg was staring at me. As we waited for our friends to arrive, the girl was dragged by what appeared to be preteen fraternal twin boys to directly in front of us.
Twin 1: She (pointing a thumb at the girl) would like to apologize.
Twin 2: No – you were supposed to say “would you like to say anything”, like Aunt [some old person name] at the ice cream parlor.
Girl: I’m sorry for staring – you just look like this weird combination of George Harrison and this guy I know.
I have been told I look like George Harrison many times. My brother tried to prank me by dressing up my room with cracker boxes to make it a crackerbox palace.
Twin 2: We apologize on her behalf – our grandpa’s been showing us his collection of songs by ex-Beatles and our cousin has this habit of getting really caught up in his stories.
It was at that point that my friend showed up.
Friend: Hey, [Girl]!
Girlfriend: Wait – you know them?
Friend: Yeah! Well just her – she was one of the campers at that Amputee summer camp I work for.
Twin 1: Wait – can you babysit tonight? We want to go see [popular nerdy movie] but we have to babysit our little sisters. Our aunt, her mom, is fine with her seeing the movie, but our mom thinks that because she has 1 leg that she’s helpless and can’t go outside without help –
Girl: They don’t have to know all that.
Twin 1: Anyways, our sisters. They’re 6, 4 and 3 and super cute and disgusting and a bit-
Twin 2: You can just come home and ask our parents.
Girl: Actually, I’ll just text your parents.
Friend: Yeah – if your folks are okay with it. I’ll see if my sister wants to join. It’s probably better than third wheeling with those two (points at us)
Girl: Yeah, they’re fine!
Friend: Cool, cool. (to us) I’ll see you later.
And thats the story of how my girlfriend and I were bailed on by my best friend to babysit some kids’ kid sisters. The sad part is that our movie sucked, so he had a better time than we did.

This happened many years ago in a small country town. At the time I was dating (now married to) a locksmith, who had taught me a few tricks of the trade, including how to brake into certain types of cars. One day I get back to my car to find the guy whos driving the one next to me has locked his keys inside.
Guy: godda*** it. I’m never going to live this down.
Me trying not to laugh: (guy) you ok there?
Guy: no, this isn’t funny. I’ll hear about this for months.
Me: if we never speak about it again and you accidentally forgot something in (supermarket), I might be able to help you.
It takes a second but you can just about see when who my boyfriend is and what I could possibly do for him: oh, yeah. Sh** I forgot (item). (Just about runs back to the store.)
Laughing the whole time, I manage to get his door open and leave before he comes back.
This is how I broke into a cop car for a rookie officer (later Sargent) and never got into trouble. I kinda wish that someone had seen the unlocked cop car with the keys inside and taken it for a joy ride just for the laughs.