Unfiltered Story #47782

Unfiltered | May 3, 2016

(My family, both immediate and extended, is known for their bad puns. My daughter, a die hard Doctor Who fan, texts me)

Daughter: “I know who let the dogs out.”

Me: “I’m almost afraid to ask, but who?”

Daughter: “Exactly.”

Me: “lol”

Daughter: “Damn. I was hoping for a sigh and eye roll.”

Me: “I live with your dad. You have yet to reach his level of punning.”

Daughter: “A challenge! I shall accept!!”

Me: “Oh, God, what have I done!?”

(Yeah. The holidays are going to be interesting…)

Unfiltered Story #28087

Unfiltered | May 3, 2016

I am a small woman, and I had just picked up the bus after grocery shopping. I’m the only person on the bus besides one man sitting in the far back. When the bus starts moving, he moves to sit directly across from me.

Man: (unintelligible)

Me: “Sorry?”

Man: (unintelligible) “HARTFORD” (unintelligible)

Me: “Ah, yeah, this is Hartford bound. But I’m not going that far.”

Another bus passes us in the opposite direction and the guy throws himself at the window.

Man: “GRAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!” and clawing at his face.

At this point I notice he is sweating profusely and foaming at the mouth. Literally, thick gobs of drool are flying out of his mouth and all over the floor and his clothes. Then he starts leaning in to me trying to keep talking but I can’t understand him. I’m getting nervous at this point because he is either high or crazy, but I play it off as best I can because I don’t want it to escalate. Because we are in the far back of the bus and he is blocking me I can’t signal the driver to the situation.

The bus pulls up to the next stop and I jump up even though I have several more stops to go.

Me: “Well, here I am, have a nice day!” And I bolt.

As I’m stepping off the bus I see a young girl, about fifteen years old, ready to board the bus. I grab her by the arm.

Me: “No. Not this bus, trust me.”

The girl looks scared (I may be small but I’ve been told I can be kind of intimidating.) “Wh-what?”

Me: “You’re staying with me. Don’t get on the bus, he’s crazy.”

The girl glances at the bus, then back at me, and back at the bus. The man peeks out of the bus.

Man: “(unintelligible grunting) get on?”

Me: “Ah, no hon, she said she needed the 72!” (I wave cheerfully as they pull off. The girl still looks scared because I haven’t let go of her arm yet, poor kid, and I think I was holding her hard, but now she sees who I am talking about and doesn’t try to board.)

The bus shut the door and pulled away from the station. I turn to the girl.

Me: “I am so sorry, but that guy was scaring me, and there was no way I was letting you get on with him!” I explain his behavior over the span of the five minutes I was on the bus.

Girl: “Oh wow. Thank you!”

Me: “I have never seen anything like that, and I HAD to get out– and I saw you boarding and I thought ‘aw HELL no’– I hope you don’t miss your connection now, the next bus that was isn’t for another eight minutes.”

Girl: “I’ll be fine. But wow, that sounded scary.”

Me: “Girl code. Ladies take care of each other.”

We chat until the next bus comes, and thankfully this one was full of normal acting people. But that’s the story of how I technically kidnapped a teenager to protect her from the guy with rabies…

Unfiltered Story #18434

Unfiltered | May 2, 2016

This takes place at Fort Meade, the military base. I am in line to buy some groceries when it is my turn to pay. You must either be wearing a uniform or show your military ID and, as I am wearing street clothes, I realize I need my ID, which I have forgotten. To retrieve it would take nearly an hour, as the bus schedule is infrequent and I have no car. I am very hungry and anxious to get dinner started.

Cashier: ID please?

Me: I don’t have it with me.

Cashier: No ID, no food.

Me: I have money. Can’t you make an exception?

Cashier: I could lose my job.

Defeated, I put my things next to the bagging area and walk outside to cry. I can’t help but question why in the world you need military ID just to purchase some granola bars. A lady I have never met sees me upset and asks what is the matter.

Me: I have money, but the cashier won’t let me buy anything because I don’t have my ID.

Lady: I’ll buy your groceries for you.

Me: No, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.

Lady: I insist.

I guide her around the store as I recollect what I wanted to purchase. As promised, she paid. I profusely thanked her and went to catch the next bus, extremely grateful for a stranger’s assistance.

Unfiltered Story #32356

Unfiltered | May 2, 2016

In our 8th grade US history class we read a book called “The History Buff’s Almanac” where every day there is a story from history. Today April 18 is the anniversary of Paul Revere’s ride so the story was about that.

History Teacher: If today was Paul Revere’s ride can anyone guess what Tomorrow is?

Most Students: Tuesday

One Student: April 19

History Teacher: *Stunned Silence followed by a laugh* Well yes but the answer I was looking for was The Battles of Lexington and Concord.

Unfiltered Story #67171

Unfiltered | May 2, 2016

Me: Thank you for calling [Medical Clinic]’s Answering Service. My name is [Name], how may I help you?

Caller: I need to speak to [person with office] is they still in?

Me: No sir, the office has left for the day, we expect them back tomorrow at eight. Would you like to leave a message?

Caller: So she not in? When she be back?

Me: After eight tomorrow when the office returns I believe.

Caller: When will they be open?

Me: Eight to Five.

Caller: That’s what time?

Me: Eight to five sir.

Caller: And they’re not in now?

Me: *Checks clock, 7:35PM* No

Caller: And when they open?

Me: Eight AM

Caller: Wait, when do they open?

Me: Eight, tomorrow morning.

Caller: And that’s tomorrow, right? What time?

Me: Yes, tomorrow morning at eight AM.

Caller: *Disconnects*

Me: *head-desk*