Unfiltered Story #57137

Unfiltered | April 10, 2017

(I’m traveling with my family for a vacation. On our way home, we land in Dallas early in the morning and I desperately want a coffee before getting on the next flight. I head to a famous coffee shop with a green and white logo to order the same coffee I always get: iced latte, 2 pumps of vanilla, skim milk; as the normal whole milk upsets my stomach a lot.)

Me: Iced tall latte, 2 pumps vanilla, skim milk, please.

Barista: Coming right up.

(I pay and wait for my drink.)

Barista: Iced latte with soy milk for [My Name].

Me: Oh, no, I’m sorry, I ordered this with SKIM milk, not soy.

(Soy upsets my stomach even more than whole milk.)

Barista: Sure, let me fix that.

(This is a tiny shop and there’s a huge line already and I feel horrible for making them remake my drink, but I didn’t get what I ordered. A few minutes later, they call my drink again.)

Barista: Here’s your latte with whole milk.

Me: I– okay.

(I’m assuming she has just said it wrong but made the right drink, and I don’t want to hold the line up any longer. But upon one sip, I’m pretty sure it’s not skim milk, and even if I might be wrong, it’s not worth risking the stomach/gut problems that would come with whole or soy milk when I’m right about to get on a plane for 4 hours. Drink went straight in the trash and I went coffee-less…)

Unfiltered Story #67496

Unfiltered | April 10, 2017

I work in a store that carries handbags, travel bags, cosmetic cases, and wallets. I watch as a customer looks at the display window for several minutes, then comes in.

Customer: Do you have any gloves that AREN’T made of wool?

Unfiltered Story #32680

Unfiltered | April 10, 2017

I teach automotive classes in trade school, and some of my students are already working mechanics being sent for further training by their unions. Four of my students work together doing maintenance for a local city, so they’re together all day long as well as in my class at night; they obviously have a much more familiar sort of relationship than the average students.

One of them talks often about how he goes to the gym to decompress. It’s currently a class break and he is regaling everyone about his new leg regimen and how it’s helping him bulk up. Another classmate, also one of his coworkers, is trying to get out of his seat – the desks are arranged in four long rows – but Gym Guy’s chair is too far back so he can’t squeeze past. The trapped student finally exclaims:

‘Move your seat! I can’t get through around your ENORMOUS LEGS!’

Unfiltered Story #28358

Unfiltered | April 10, 2017

(As a teen I often tagged along/helped my friend with her paper route. EVERY TIME we went to this one house the little dog barked at us through the window non stop. After some weeks of irritation, I decided to get back at him.)

Dog: Bark bark bark! Bark! Bark bark!

Me: Merow, meeow. Meow.

Dog: (Continues barking)

Me: (Continues meowing)

Owner: Hey! Stop teasing my dog!

(She whisked the dog from the window before I could say anything. I felt super embarrassed that she thought my meowing caused the dog’s barking. However, after a few weeks I finally noticed we never saw or heard from that dog again. I took that as a win.)

Unfiltered Story #48057

Unfiltered | April 9, 2017

( My family is at the restaurant. I’m in the mood for silly questions, and they all do their best to indulge me. )

Me: If you were stuck on an island and you could only bring three things, what would it be?

Brother: A laptop.

Me: No, there’s no signal, you can’t have any connection with the outside world.

Brother: Can you bring a person?

Me: You can.

Brother: Then I’m bringing Bear Grylls so he can get us the hell outta here in a matter of days.

Me: No, you can’t escape. You have to stay on the island for five years, and then you can come back.

Sister: Well then… a bed. And a knife for survival, probably.

Me: You already have all this. You have water, food, and shelter. The things you bring along are for entertainment.

Dad: A radio.

Sister: You can’t have any connection to the outside world.

Dad: Oh, alright. Then… a book, and something so I can write.

Mom: How come you’re not including me in your list?

Dad: She said three things!

Sister: No, we can bring along a person too.

Dad: Really? Well, if I had picked you, you would have said I saw you as a “thing”.

Mom: *chuckling* I probably would have.