Unfiltered Story #32327

Unfiltered | April 1, 2016

(We are in a psychology lesson and out teacher is a bit later than normal. My friends believe in the myth that you can leave if the teacher is fifteen minutes late.)

Girl 1: (Looks at clock) “Nine minutes until, we can leave.”

(At this moment the teacher walks in.)

Girls 1 & 2: “Nooooo…”

(Out teacher looks at them for a moment and then silently walks back out. He walks back in and about three people cheer quietly and sarcastically.)

Teacher: “Better.”

Unfiltered Story #67143

Unfiltered | April 1, 2016

I work on the sales line for a small-scale puzzle company. I’m pretty lucky that we rarely get complaints. When we do, it’s usually either for missing pieces or the wrong puzzle inside the box. Not on this occasion though…

Me: Hello [brand name] jigsaw puzzles, how can I help?

Customer: The puzzle you sent me is a dud! I want a replacement!

Me: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Could you let me know what the fault is?

Customer: It’s just cut all wrong. I took out all the green bits and they didn’t all fit together.

Me: Well, you’d really need to actually do the puzzle to decide if it’s faulty. There might be green in a couple of different areas.

Customer: I can’t do the puzzle, it’s a dud.

Me: Okay, just to let you know, our puzzles are cut on a press, so it would be virtually impossible to create a puzzle where the pieces didn’t lock together. Maybe if you persevered…

Customer: look, it’s a dud okay. I’m telling you it’s a dud.

Me: Um… okay well if you bring it back to us, we’ll look into the fault and arrange a replacement.

Customer: Can’t you just do it now on the computer?

Me: I’m afraid we do need to investigate the fault first. Especially in this case, the puzzle may not actually be faulty so you’d have the same trouble with the replacement.

Customer: I’m not giving you this puzzle back! You’ll just give me the same one again. You’re trying to swindle me!

Me: I can assure you, we won’t. We just want to look at the issue. If you can’t bring it in personally you can use our freepost address to send it back.

Customer: you’re trying to swindle me! I want a refund!

Me: Okay, but we’d still need the puzzle returned to us before we could issue a refund.

Customer: Can’t you just do it now, on the computer?

Me: Not without the puzzle, I can’t.

Customer: You’re trying to swindle me!

Unfiltered Story #28055

Unfiltered | April 1, 2016

I am in a chatroom where two popular YouTube content providers are discussing things for our entertainment. One of them leaves and the remain one is looking for someone else to cohost with him. He knows me and adds me as the cohost when he sees me in the chat. He knows I have a cat because he’s heard her several times when we have had Skype calls together and he took notice when she crawled on my lap during our video conversation.

Presenter: “Oh look, it’s the cat! Meow! Meow, meow meow.”

Me: “I’m wearing headphones, she can’t hear you, you’re just purring at me.”

Presenter: *Laughing* “I wonder if that’s considered homosexuality or bestiality?”

Me: “I’d rather not consider either option.”

Unfiltered Story #47751

Unfiltered | April 1, 2016

(I’m studying abroad next term and my boyfriend and I have been talking bout going on a break while I am away. I am retelling the conversation to my sister the next day.)

Me: …and then he said he didn’t want me to be thinking of him all the time while I’m there and not enjoy myself, which makes sense, but then asked him if he would still be there for me once I was back, and he said ‘yes’. And I know it’s still a long time before I leave but –

Sister: That is so dumb. I know I’ve never done this, but why don’t you just break up? Just break up before you leave because ‘going on a break’ doesn’t work.

Me: Well-

Sister: I’m just staying, like I’ve never done long distance, but it makes more sense. I’ve never done this but why say you’re ‘going on a break’ when you know it won’t work? Or at least I don’t think it will work, I’ve never done this before. Just break up!

Me: I-

Sister: Like don’t take what I’m saying for serious because I’ve never done this, but it just makes more sense to break up rather than fool yourselves into thinking it’s just a break.

Me: Ok! I understood the first time you said it.

[sister glares at me]

Sister: Well SORRY for saying it twice.

Unfiltered Story #56778

Unfiltered | April 1, 2016

(Our store sells individual unseasoned burger patties for dogs, referred to as ‘puppy patties’, at $1 each. I am working bagging orders while a supervisor is taking orders at the drive-thru. A bag with 4 puppy patties comes down the chute, but they don’t appear anywhere on the screen. However, I know a lot of people will add on last-minute items at the window, and when they do it takes longer to show up on the screen, so I ask my supervisor.)

Me: “Hey, [supervisor], do these puppy patties go in this order?”

Supervisor: *nods without looking*

Me: “This order, right here, with the [burgers]?”

Supervisor: *angrily* “YES!”

(I put them in the bag, hand it to her, and continue bagging. Halfway through bagging the next order, the puppy patties FINALLY show up on the screen… for the order I’m currently bagging. I go to my supervisor, who still has the bag in hand.)

Me: “So, you said to put them in that bag, and I did, but now they’re showing up on the other order-”

Supervisor: “Oh my god, [my name], calm down! It’s fine!”

(I go back to bagging orders. Not ten seconds later…)

Supervisor: “[my name], make sure you remember those puppy patties!”

(I turn and stare at her in complete disbelief, the only thing going through my mind being ‘Are you f****** kidding me?!?’)

Me: “I put them in that other bag-”

Supervisor: “WHAT?!? Why would you do that?!?”

Me: “I-”

Supervisor: *to kitchen supervisor* “I need 4 more puppy patties!”

Kitchen supervisor: “What happened to the other ones?!?”

Supervisor: *dripping condescension* “[my name] gave them to the wrong people!”

Kitchen supervisor: “Oh my god, [my name], pay attention!”

(I only barely managed not to retort that she should try telling that to Sandra.)