(I work at a call center for a large company that does credit repair in order to save up money for college. Note: we don’t call people, they call us- we’re not telemarketers. One day, a customer calls in, angry about something. He proceeds to call me incompetent, useless, a high school dropout, and all kinds of unflattering things, including a large number of swear words- pretty much as many as you can think of. Finally fed up, I ask him this:)

Me: “Sir, is there anything else you’d like to call me while you’re at it?”

Customer: *brief pause* “No.”

(He then proceeds to call me everything again. Oh well. Stuff like this is why I’m quitting my job soon.)

I’m the team lead for the group that opens, sorts, and hands out the mail that comes in for the litigation department; as I frequently tell people, this means that my job consists of roughly 50% actual work and 50% answering the same stupid questions over and over. In early 2019, the company began outsourcing a good deal of our “coding” work (not just for my team, for the entire department) to an overseas company that does this sort of thing for a lot of other companies…mostly law firms. Since I have more experience with the work our team does than our manager (who was promoted from a different team) and also have a great deal of patience, most of the task of training the new company to do the work fell on my shoulders. We started sending them work in April and, eight months later, we are still constantly having to correct errors in coding, remind them of procedure, and answer the same questions over and over. Part of this is a weekly phone call between my manager, the manager of the other team, and that manager’s boss (not sure of his exact title); I have the option of joining in, which I do more often than not so that we’re sure nothing gets missed on either end. My manager and I usually end up frustrated by the end of it, because we answer the same questions every week, get assurances that everything is fine, and then have to pick up the pieces later when everything falls apart. Today, after the phone call, my manager’s boss (the AVP) stops by her desk where we are talking and asks how the call went, then asks me what my “top five concerns” are; I end up talking for a good ten minutes while she takes notes, then promise to email her when I have time to assemble my thoughts properly. By this point, I’m late for my fifteen-minute break and I really have to pee, so I hastily clock out. As I’m washing my hands, I find myself standing next to another team lead in my department, whom I’m friendly with.

Me: It’s almost Friday.
Coworker: Thank goodness for that, right? We almost made it.
Me: Yeah. Thursdays drive me crazy.
Coworker: Why is that?
Me: *with a slightly sarcastic smile* Thursdays mean a phone call with [overseas company].
Coworker: *grimaces* Ooh. Yeah. They really need to get it together. Let’s hope it happens soon and they get the hang of everything.

At this point, I’m tired and wrung out and slightly stressed, and that is my only excuse for what pops out of my mouth without conscious thought.

Me: Yeah, that’ll happen about three days after hell freezes over.

I apologize for being unprofessional as soon as I realize it, but she just gives a dry laugh and says I’m not wrong!

(I’m celebrating my 30th birthday with my grandparents.)
Hostess: “Would you like a kid’s menu?”

(I made a bad choice of degree when I first went to college that left me with few prospects. I had a knowledge of tech, though, so I found myself working in an office where I build apps for large businesses.

My boss was a frat boy and never seemed to have grown out of it, and a few of our clients were in his fraternity. As you might imagine, this leads to a lot of bad behavior.

One client is the absolute worst. Just a complete sexist pig, but I would suck it up because I was young and well-paid, so I didn’t want to mess things up. One day, that all changed.)

Client: “Hey, (me), how’s it going?”

Me: “Fine.”

Client: “The app is looking great! I’d love to take you out some time to thank you.”

Me: “That’s not necessary, thanks though.”

Client: “Come onnn, it’s just dinner! Plus, if you keep up the good work, I may have to steal you and hire you on for in-house work.”

Me: “Really, no thank you. And I’m not looking to leave (company) right now.”

(I realized then I was thirsty, so I got up with my water bottle to go refill it. I brushed past the client, but one of his hands cupped my butt cheek. I immediately whipped around and punched him in the nose.)

Client: “Ow! What the-”

Me: “You touched my a**, right in front of my coworkers and a *camera*! You better be ready to hear from my lawyer.

(Obviously I didn’t have a lawyer yet, but I knew I would. Just then, my boss came out.)

Boss: “(Me), come here.”

(I stormed into his office, naively hoping he would side with me.)

Boss: “Why did you just punch (Client)?”

Me: “Because he grabbed my a**!”

Boss: “That’s not a good enough reason. He’s reported you have an attitude with him any time you two talk. Because of these repeated issues, I’m going to have to fire you immediately.”

Me: “You can’t be serious.”

Boss: “Look, you’re a beautiful woman. I would have grabbed your butt, too, if it were that close to me.”

Me: “You would what?!”

(And that’s how I sued both my ex-employer and the client, winning enough money from the settlements that I won’t owe a dime while I go to law school so I can help more women in my situation.)

(I am an admission counselor for an online graduate school, and I frequently get calls from students who haven’t yet finished their undergraduate program and are looking at potential options for after they graduate.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [University]! This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you today?”

Student: “Yeah, that Cyber Security degree. If I take that, can I be a hacker?”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Well, possibly, but cyber SECURITY usually means that you’re preventing other hackers.”

Student: “Yeah, that’s what I wanna do. An ethical hacker.”

Me: “An… ethical hacker? Okay, well… *gives spiel about degree*”

Student: “Would I be able to do that with a bachelor’s in computer science?”

Me: “You sure could! You might also be interested in our Master of Information Technology, which-”

Student: “You said master’s?”

Me: “…Yes?”

Student: “A master’s degree?”

Me: “Yes.”

Student: “Okay.”

(I tell him a bit more about the degree, with him giving occasional noncommital sounds.)

Student: “You said that’s a master’s degree?”

Me: “…Yes, yes it is.”

Student: “Oh.”

Me: “…Would you like me to send you our catalog so you can see more details about it?”

Student: “No thanks. I’ll find it on my own. Bye.”

(He then hung up. He wasn’t rude or anything, it was just… one of the more bizarre calls I’ve received.)