(My daughter likes to fake cry to get attention, and she is very observant even if she doesn’t seem to be. I’m known in my family to somehow lose my coffee mug every single mug. I usually let this be known by wondering aloud where that damn cup went this time. Apparently my daughter has picked this up. She is five.)
Daughter: *starts fake crying*
Me: What’s wrong babe?
Mom: What’s the matter?
Daughter: I cant’ find it!
Me: Find what?
Daughter: I can’t find my coffee!
Me: You can’t find your WHAT!?
Mom: *laughing*
Me: I never realized she was listening to me when I wondered where that damn mug is!
Daughter: I can’t find my coffee mama!
(I ended up letting her sip a tiny bit from mine. The things this kid comes out with can be adorable.)

(Today, I was going down to the library like I do every day. While on the way, I decided to stop by a local restaurant I’d passed a few times, just to try it out. I go in, take a seat, and order my food. While waiting, a mother with two small girls and her friend takes a booth near me. Having grown up in a large family, I love children, so I couldn’t help giving the girls some friendly smiles. I’m actually fairly impressed with how well-behaved both of these girls are being, as my siblings tend to be little devils when they go out in public. I’m eating my food when I happen to overhear the mother talking with her friend. What I heard made me stop flat out.)

Mother: “- sometimes I just feel like a terrible mother.”

I had to take a moment to process that. I turned around to face her.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, did you just say you feel like a terrible mother?”

Mother: (pause) “Yes.”

Me: “Ma’am, you are not a terrible mother. I grew up in a family of twelve children, I’m the oldest living, I have seen terrible mothers. You are not a bad mother. You’re doing great! I wish my siblings were as well-behaved as your daughters are!”

(It was brief, but I nearly thought the woman would burst into tears there and then.)

Mother: “Thank you. They aren’t as well behaved at home.”

Me: “Oh, I know what that’s like, but I mean it, you’re daughters are really well-behaved. You’re doing a great job!”

(After that, I packed my food in a box, paid and left. But I still couldn’t believe that woman thought she was a terrible mother. It’s ridiculous. She’s doing a great job. I’ve rarely seen children that age as well-behaved as hers. I just couldn’t sit by and let her put herself down like that, it’s ridiculous!)

My coworkers and I did Secret Santa around Christmastime. Some coworkers made it a mission to discover the identity of their gift-givers, but I didn’t make an effort. Often, we would ask around for gift ideas. One year in particular I was discussing previous gifts I had received from my Secret Santas with a coworker. I said rather pointedly that I always got candles, lotion, and soap, and hoped I didn’t get it again. I didn’t use candles at the time, I didn’t use lotion nearly quick enough to go through it all, and did they think I needed to shower more with soap? I said this both in a joking manner but also somewhat serious. What did I get for Christmas that year? A candle, lotion, and soap. I was embarrassed. I hope the coworker I made those comments to wasn’t my Secret Santa or I hope word didn’t get back to my original SS. Foot, meet mouth.

Now, 8 years later, I love getting candles, lotion, and soap as gifts, so I’m sorry to my past SSs.

( _I’m a student at a prestigious university. Recently my university has started issuing water canteens as an effort to go plastic-free, and they have been quite popular. A few months after the dustribution happened, as I’m walking down the street to get to campus…)

*Woman*: ( _scoffing_ ) “You’re ridiculous.”

( _I stop turn around to face her, and see an older woman in ratty clothes._ )

*Me*: “Excuse me? What’s the matter?”
*Woman*: “Do you even go to [My University]? Betcha you don’t.”
*Me*: ( _Offended_ ) “Of course I do!”
*Woman*: ( _Deflated_ ) “Oh. And are you from Rome, or are you just another [slur against Southern Italians] coming up here because there’s nothing down there?”
*Me*: ( _Taken aback at the suddenness of her demeanour turn_ ) “No, ma’am, I’m neither from Rome nor from the South, I’m from the North.”
*Woman*: “WHY THE F*** ARE YOU EVEN HERE THEN?!”

( _I decided to just storm off to my campus and peace her be. But I was seriously thinking of pointing out that my university was the most important in Italy, but, then again, chances are she would’ve complained about the alleged easiness of my uni._ )

For background, I am in my late-20s, and my sister is in her mid-20s, so while we sort of know what the “kids are up to these days”, there are some trends that still stump us. Fortunately, my sister is a middle school teacher, so she has some insight, and the kids teach her some phrases, trends, and lingo.

One of the newer trends is the VSCO girl. I’m sure I’ll get the details wrong, but I understand that the term originated from an app, and these girls prefer brands similar to Hydro Flask, Urban Outfitters, Pura Vida, and Crocs. They also use phrases such as “and I oop” and “sksksksk” when they are shocked or surprised. My mom finds this hilarious, yet she also likes to pretend she’s “hip.”

My mom and I were at a coffee shop with our friend. Our friend wanted to buy something as a souvenir, and she had been eyeing the beverage holders. My mom found something she thought our friend would like and proudly exclaimed, “Look, [Friend], a Hydro Flask! Now you can be a tisk tisk girl!”