(My boyfriend, his mother and I were driving back home after what turned out to be a horrid christmas. His mother had been antagonizing me and calling me selfish in the car already because I didnt want to leave earlier than we had planned as that was time I wanted with my own family. It had been two years since I’d last seen them and our vacation was mostly spent with his. His parents ended up coming along with us at the last minute but expected me, not their son, to accommodate their every whim apparently. She seemed to have a chip on her shoulder about my naturally quiet speaking voice, and that I refused to bend to leave early as I hadn’t spent much time with my family yet. We were in a hotel and it was first thing in the morning when this happened.)

Me: *walking out of the bathroom* Did you put everything in our bag (boyfriend?)

(Before boyfriend can answer)

His Mother: Oh my F****** god speak up!

Me: *now completely done with her attitude* DID YOU PUT EVERYTHING IN OUR BAG (BOYFRIEND!?)

(Que his mother running at me screaming that she was going to punch me in my fat f****** face. He had to hold her back, had he not she was about to get throat punched. Made for a delightfully awkward 13 hour drive, she apologized profusely. The bridge is burned, I’ll be civil but forgiveness will take a very very long time.)

(My department always sees a lot of turnover because employees are strongly encouraged to apply for other internal positions, meaning the entry-level admissions spots are always open. A new team has just been hired and one of the new hires sits at the desk next to me. She frequently asks me questions, and I am always happy to help. One day she seems to be having a difficult time with a student. I can only hear her side of the conversation and my coworker fills me in on the rest later.)

Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Student: “I want to know about your Master’s in Accounting.”

Coworker: “Great! What questions do you have for me?”

Student: “Do you have a Master’s in Accounting?”

Coworker: “Um, I think so…”

(We have a large document with information on all of our programs, and it takes a moment for my coworker to open it.)

Student: “Do you think so, or do you know so?”

Coworker: “I… um… it says here that we do-”

Student: “I don’t care what it says, what do you know about it?”

Coworker: “I-”

Student: “Stop. I don’t want to talk to you. I want to talk to someone who knows what they’re doing.”

(She puts the student on hold and gestures for my attention. I realize that she is crying.)

Me: “What’s going on?”

Coworker: “This woman was really mean to me… I didn’t know-”

Me: “Hey, it’s okay. Transfer her to me and go get some water. I’ll take care of it.”

(My coworker transfers the student to me and I put on my cheeriest customer service voice.)

Me: “Good afternoon! How can I help you today?”

Student: “I want to know about your Master’s in Accounting.”

Me: “Sure thing!”

(I give her the spiel about how we began as an accounting college back in 1932 so it’s one of our specialties, etc etc. When I mention it can prepare students to sit for the CPA exam, she interrupts me.)

Student: “I want to be a CPA, but this degree doesn’t certify me?”

Me: “The degree itself does not count as a CPA license, but it does fulfill the educational requirements to sit for the CPA exam.”

Student: “Does it satisfy the requirements in Vermont?”

Me: “Yes, Vermont requires 42 credit hours and this degree is 36-66 credit hours depending on how many business and accounting foundation courses you need to take. What was your bachelor’s degree in?”

Student: “English and history.”

Me: “That’s cool, I was also a history major! Based on your background, you will almost certainly have to take all 66 credits. With our term schedule, it typically takes about 2 1/2 to 3 years to complete.

Student: “That’s if I go part-time?”

Me: “No, that’s full time. Part time is-”

Student: “WHAT? Three years full time? That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “Well, as you do not have the accounting or business experience required, you need to take the foundation courses in order to catch up to the level of quality expected of the major courses.”

Student: “I just want to be a CPA. Why do I need to take all those other courses?”

Me: “If you are interested in just taking those 42 credits which prepare you for the CPA exam, I’d be happy to assist you, but just so you know, many of them have prerequisites so you might need to take foundation courses.”

Student: “I don’t care. I just want to take the CPA courses.”

Me: “Alright, please wait one moment while I transfer you to our Course Work Only department.”

(I realized after transferring her that the department was closed for the night, so she wouldn’t be getting her accounting courses until the morning. Normally I would reach out to someone in the department to make sure the student gets a call back, but I didn’t want to go the extra mile for such a rude person. Thankfully, my coworker got a really nice caller right after that and was feeling much better.)

(Short but silly one. My family loves salmon so I was doing a recipe for baked salmon but I couldn’t find any raw salmon at the store. I found some smoked salmon and figured salmon is salmon and baked it. It came out like leather and my family was very unhappy! They ate though.)

A middle-aged woman comes into our store, and my coworker and I greet her. She asks if we’re hiring, in a very thick Eastern European accent. We tell her we are not at that time, but we’re always accepting resumes. She then takes out of her purse what appears to be a piece of paper.

Reader, I am not making this up. She had given it to me, and I am floored. This paper had so many hand-written notes on it, it was illegible. It had originally been typed, and it was word salad. It had been photocopied – and the photocopy had preserved the fold from the original, cutting off a corner. It was also bent, torn, folded, probably stepped on, and lord knows what else had happened to it. It was much maligned. She’s telling me and my coworker about her previous positions, and then asks for the paper back, because she wants to put her new phone number on it.

Please note that in the typed sections she listed that she had had several positions at multiple locations – none of them lasting more than three months, and while she tried to find an empty spot on the paper to write her new number (which was difficult), she explained that, because she was stuck in her home country, she could not find a way to pay for her mobile phone, so got cut off and had to get a new one. What do you expect from American companies? She only stopped paying for the phone for three months!

She finally wrote her phone number somewhere near the top (illegibly) and handed it back, asking us to let her know if we could find a space for her. We told her we would, and she finally left.

Not ten minutes later we discovered, through a quick search, that she had been banned from the mall we were in for stealing from another store several years previous.

Needless to say, we didn’t hire her, and I threw out her “resume.”

I am in an unfamiliar town and am about to catch a train back to the city. I am hungry and have a few minutes before the train arrives, the closest store is a fruit shop and I see a display of peaches outside. I pick up a peach that looks good but I notice there is a chunk of flesh missing underneath, so put it down and pick up the next peach. I am halfway in the door when a woman comes at me and starts yelling at me for squeezing fruit.

Me “I did not squeeze any fruit, I picked up one that had some damage on it and simply put it down to pick up this one”

Woman “You’ve been squeezing fruit, I saw you”

Me “I was not squeezing anything”

Woman “Well what do you think you are doing with this one”

Me “Carrying it inside to the counter to buy it”

Woman *snatches peach off me and walks behind the counter “That will be (price), you were squeezing fruit” * holds hand out for the money.

Me “Well, now I am not going to buy it, I refuse to shop anywhere that I am called a liar”

She opens her mouth as I turn on my heels and walk out. Waited till I was back in the city and bought a peach from a polite green grocer.