We’re currently all at home due to the global pandemic. Today is Saturday, a day my mil normally works. I had to cook some chicken in my pressure cooker but she was working in the kitchen so I waited til she was done, working and going through stuff upstairs.

I finally went downstairs to see if she was done and found her sitting on the couch with one of our cats on her lap. So I went in the back room and got my pressure cooker and went into the kitchen to clean the chicken and put it in the pot.

About five minutes into this, she comes out into the kitchen and decides now is the time to put water into the coffee pot, even though that’s normally done around dinner time (this was around 3). She basically got in my way.

I have social anxiety when it comes to her and unfortunately because her job is shut down I don’t get the three day a week break I normally get from her.

She finally left but geeze couldn’t she have waited five minutes?

On my way home from work I stop to buy a beer. As I walk up to the cash register fully prepared to show my ID, the cashier asks a question.
Cashier “is this you?” Hands me ID that isn’t mine.
Me “uh no. Mine is right here. Hold on, that does look like mine though.”
I look closer at the ID and notice that while it is my face and birthday, the name is not mine.
Me (laughing) “that’s my twin sister! See how the last names and birthdays match? I’ll return it to her.”
And that’s the story of how I didn’t get ID for my alcohol.

At the time of this story, you lost your right of way once you came to a complete stop. Right had (and still has) right of way. Our street was a dead end street that was maybe 500 meters long, our house being half way in it. One day, leaving our street, my mother got T-boned on the left hand side. The driver in the other car completely lost it, blaming my mother for the damages on her brand new car.
As it was around the time people were arriving home from work, the other lady’s insurance agent, who happened to live in the neighbourhood, was also returning home and stopped, recognizing his customer. He urged her to calm down and complete the forms and he would see if he could assist her. It will become clear why.
She didn’t listen to reason, insisting my mother was in the wrong and the police should be called. Her insurance agent strongly advised against it, saying if she did, he was beyond helping her. In her rage, she called the police.
By the time they came by, my dad arrived home and joined the party. The lady threw another tantrum because my dad was invited by the cops to join my mother, whom he lawfully wedded and because he needed to give a statement that while the car was in his name, my mother had permission to use it. The other lady had to speak to the cops alone because the car was in her name and she wasn’t lawfully joined to her live-in boyfriend. Although over twenty years ago, it still has it subtle differences.
The police had only one question for the lady driver: Did my mum come to a complete stop? To which she very adamantly stated that she was doing at least 60 (kilometers per hours) and came shooting out the street while dead end streets don’t have right of way. (Note: she herself lived in the next dead end street over). The police explained that dead end streets had normal priority rules. She did end up disputing that (yes, after her insurance agent and the police told her she was wrong).
As it turned out later, the car was indeed brand new, picked up at the dealer ship a day before the incident and she took the car on the road before her insurance started, a few days later (not an unusual situation at the time, the insurance kicking in later that is. It had to do with existing regulation). As the cops were involved, even in pre-digital era, the insurance agent, who was intended to be lenient with the dates, couldn’t change anything anymore.
It all ended up with her selling her car as she had to pay for her own damages. It also meant that we didn’t get full coverage of the damages we incurred.
We were teens at the time, most of us eligible to drive and we did try to reach the stated speed starting from our house. One of the neighbours finally succeed with his motor cycle. Sensible enough to try it towards the dead end, which was at the time a wasteland, and he almost needed half of the terrain to come to a full stop again.

I’m watching Attack on Titan and my stepdad is home for lunch.

Stepdad: Are you learning Chinese?

Me: It’s in Japanese.

Stepdad: So are you learning Japanese?

Me: It has English subtitles.

Stepdad: What are those things?

Me: Those are the Titans. Basically they’re human-eating giants.

Stepdad: Oh, like a fairytale?

I’m the idiot in this story. It’s Thursday. I’m watching the news with my parents and they’re talking about building a field hospital in Mulhouse to accommodate more coronavirus patients.
The guy we interviewed: We’ll be able to take in patients by the end of next week/early next week.
Me: He could say Friday instead of weekend. It’s already Thursday.
My mother: Weekends count as weekends too!
Me: but everything is closed on weekends.
Mother: Not the hospitals