Unfiltered Story #27878

Scottsdale, AZ, USA | Unfiltered | October 6, 2015

(My friend took another friend and I to a play and this conversation happened in the car on the way to the theatre)

Friend 1: [adjusting the fan so it wouldn’t be as cold] I don’t need it to be as cold as my heart in here.

Me: I would say the same thing, but I don’t have a heart.

[My two friends are just dying at this point. a couple minutes later, the same friend goes]: that’s just of the many things I’m lacking.

Me: [without skipping a beat] I lack many things too. like a personality.

[Again, we all just die of laughter. the friend just stares forward and is all like clever, very clever]

Unfiltered Story #47576

USA | Unfiltered | October 6, 2015

My mother has enough brothers and sisters to warrant a roll call when they were younger.

Nana: Okay, is everyone in the car? Mary?

Mary: Here!

Nana: Eddy?

Eddy: Here!

Nana: Cathy?

Cathy: Here!

Nana: Pat?

*silence*

Nana: Pat? Patrick?! *turns around* Oh God, we’ve left Pat behind!!!

They found him climbing a tree.

Unfiltered Story #56604

TX, USA | Unfiltered | October 6, 2015

(It’s the day of my grandmother’s funeral, and obviously the whole family is rather distraught. After the service, once we’ve all calmed down somewhat, we decide to go out for lunch. After everybody gets to the restaurant, we all walk in to get a table. Note that all sixteen of us are still wearing black and looking rather somber. The host at the stand apparently noticed this.)

Host: (loudly and jovially) Wow, look at all the long faces! Did somebody die or something?

Dad: … Yes. We just came from the funeral. Do you have room for sixteen?

Unfiltered Story #32150

ON, Canada | Unfiltered | October 6, 2015

(This happened in math class. I finished up my work very quickly, and have my headphones in, listening to music and bopping along to the tune. As I’m extremely self-conscious about bothering people, I have made absolutely positive that I am completely silent. One of my classmates starts shouting, so I take my headphones off and listen.)

Classmate: -but [My Name] is listening to music! Why can’t I?

Teacher: [My Name] has finished all of his work. If you can do that before the period ends, then you can listen to music.

(He shuts up for a while, and does his work. When he’s done, he turns it in and starts blasting an obscene rap song, which I can hear, even with my headphones in.)

Teacher: [CLASSMATE]! Put some headphones in or shut that off!

Classmate: Aw, come on! You said I could listen to music!

Teacher: And now I’m telling you to put some headphones in! You’re disturbing your classmates!

Classmate: You just don’t like my music, that’s it! You just hate the music I’m listening to!

Teacher: True though that may be, I’m asking you to put some headphones in because it is FAR TOO LOUD!

Me: Agreed. Dude, I have my music right up to max and I can still hear yours.

Classmate: What the h***, man! Here, show all of us what you’re listening to. I know you like the same music as me, if the teacher hears what you’re listening to, you’ll have to shut yours down! If I’m not listening to music, no one else is.

Teacher: That’s is not-

Me: No, it’s OK.

(I unplug my headphones, and restart the song I was listening to. To my classmate’s dismay, it is a song, completely gibberish, from Splatoon, an E-rated video game, to a thumping techno beat, rather than rap. [Classmate] sinks down in his seat, and we don’t hear a word from him for the rest of the class. Best of all, I learned later that a couple of people in that class are also fans of Splatoon, and I make a few new friends out of it.)

Unfiltered Story #27877

Oklahoma, USA | Unfiltered | October 5, 2015

(I was sitting at my table enjoying a drink before my meal at this restaurant and there was a family with a baby no more than a year old.)

Me: Hi, little guy! *smiles and waves*

Baby: *barfs all over himself*

(My mom laughed so hard at that and it was pretty funny looking back at it now.

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