Understating The Obvious

Me: “Thank you for calling [TV Service]. My name is [My Name]. How may–”

Caller: “I don’t care!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “I don’t care what your name is! You guys are what’s driving me to start using again!”

Me: “Okay… how can I provide you with the best value and service?”

Caller: “You don’t care about that! All you care about is going home at the end of your shift and having that first sip of beer!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I’m nineteen, so I don’t drink.”

Caller: “You’re just a young punk! You should be at home with your mommy!”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “You’re too young to be working! You don’t know anything!”

Me: “Um… could I have your phone number so I can pull up your account?”

Caller: “No! That’s private!”

Me: “Okay, how about your name?”

Caller: “No! I won’t give you any information! You’re too young! Your brain hasn’t developed yet! Did you know it’s not done until you’re twenty-one or twenty-two?”

Me: “Yes, I did know that.”

Caller: “Yeah! I’m a doctor! I’m a pediatrician!”

Me: “Okay. Well, I won’t be able to help you without your information.”

Caller: “I bet you were born with a golden spoon in your mouth!”

Me: “Um… could I have your address?”

Caller: “I don’t want you coming to my house!”

Me: “Well, how about your phone number?”

Caller: “I’ll give you my social security number instead.”

Me: “I can’t use that to access your account–”

Caller: *rattles off address surprisingly fast*

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m going to need you to be a bit slower for me.”

Caller: *rattles off address even faster*

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you. Let me try finding it by your name.”

Caller: “I’ll give you my name, but you can’t call me that.”

Me: “Okay. Well, I can call you anything you’d like–”

Caller: “CALL ME B**** FROM H***, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT I AM!”

(My supervisor has been listening to the call and decides that enough is enough. He takes my headset and lets the customer know that if she ever calls back, she has to be drug-free.)