Undercooked Thought Processes

One of my friends has a reputation in our group for saying the most outlandishly stupid things. We’re all sitting together, eating at a fast-food chicken place, when he suddenly stops to stare at the piece of chicken in his hand.

Friend: “Uh… this chicken’s still bleeding.”

I glance over. Sure enough, the meat is pink, and there’s an alarming little pool of red.

Friend: “I’m gonna get salmonella just from looking at this!”

To my utter horror, he shrugs… and keeps eating. Bite after bite. He finishes the whole piece.

I’m about to ask if he’s lost his mind when he wipes his hands on a napkin and grins.

Friend: “Don’t worry, I’ll just drink a Monster Energy to cancel out the salmonella.”

Then we all burst out laughing, because somehow, that’s the most HIM thing he’s ever said. He didn’t get sick.