The Habit Kicked You

(Coworker #1 and #2 are a heavy smokers; I’m not. They are both leaving, as it’s the end of their shift, and I’m just starting.)

Coworker #1: *waves* “I’m out! Bye! I’m hitting the bars!”

Coworker #2: “Oh! Can I go with you, too?”

Coworker #1: “Uh, sure. I don’t mind. Let’s go in my car, okay?”

Coworker #2: “Sure! Great!”

Me: “Have fun guys!”

(They both leave together, talking about their night on the town. I go about my daily business, doing my work. About an hour later, Coworker #2 returns, looking sick.)

Me: “Hi! How was the bar? What’s the matter? Did you drink too much?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, my gawd. Do you have any body spray? Perfume maybe?”

Me: “Sure. But why?”

Coworker #2: “I was just with [Coworker #1] in his car, and his car STANK! Tobacco stains all over the seat, windows, dashboard, dirty trash everywhere. It was gross and now I have a smoke smell all over my clothes and myself. Ugh! Yuck!”

Me: “Oh. I see how that can be disgusting, since I don’t smoke. But… wait a minute… You do smoke, [Coworker #2]!”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, that’s true.”

Me: “So… you should be used to the smell, right?!”

Coworker #2: “Yes, but not like THAT. He was smoking with the windows up on the way there, two cigarettes at one time! Now my wife will think I smell disgusting! Give me your perfume, please.”

Me: “Okay, here you go, but it is a lady’s perfume. You’ll smell like a girl! Maybe your wife won’t like that!”

Coworker #2: “I don’t care. I want to! I WANT TO SMELL LIKE A GIRL!”

(He used up all my perfume, spraying himself desperately. I laughed, since Coworker #2 is usually very calm and that’s the first time I’ve seen him lose his control. Afterward, Coworker #2 quit smoking, saying he never noticed how disgusting the habit was until that night!)