Unable To Measure This Level Of Ridiculousness

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2017

(We’re a store that supplies medieval needs for re-enactors, film, and theater. The phone rings and I pick it up.)

Me: “[Store], this is [My Name]. What can we do for you today?”

Customer: “Hi! We’re doing a film. I need a pair of helmets and armour with a whitish look, like from The Hunger Games. How much is that?”

Me: “That’s not an off-the-shelf product. We’d have to make those.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “I guess because none of the larger manufacturers have bothered to get a license, or because it’s a design the costume designer didn’t want to sell rights to.”

Customer: “Can you make them?”

Me: “Yeah, we do custom work. I’ve read the books, but never saw the movies, so I’d need you to send through some pictures. I also need your measurements fo—”

Customer: “I’m a large.”

Me: “A large in what size system?”

Customer: “My size.”

(I’m already face-palming at this point, but I press on. A lot of the theater and film people are difficult to deal with, but pay well.)

Me: “And these are both for you?”

Customer: “What? No. They’re for the actors.”

Me: “Right. I’ll need them to come in for a fitting, then. I can get your deposit at the same time, too.”

Customer: “I’m not paying for it unless it’s right.”

Me: “Considering I have to go and buy specific leather for this, you ARE paying for at least that much up fro—”

Customer: “No, I w—”

Me: “YES! You will. If you want our service, that part is non-negotiable! “

Customer: “Hey, man, I’m trying to do you a favour here. People will see your work in my movie.”

(My eyes are rolling hard enough to make them ache at this point.)

Me: “I appreciate that, mate, but I’ve got plenty of my work in movies, which is why I can afford to be the one to set the terms. Now, I’ll need you to come in with the actors so I can take some measurements, then call [Tannery] and get them to deliver.”

Customer: “Fine! I have to say, you’re being really unprofessional here. How long is it all going to take?”

Me: “If you’re willing to pay extra, they can do next day delivery, and if I work over the weekend, I can have it ready for you on Tuesday.”

Customer: “There’s not enough time for that. Why can’t you just make it? I thought you were meant to be a professional.”

Me: “Because I have to go and buy materials, cut, dye, and… wait. Not enough time. When do you need this by?”

Customer: “Oh, the shoot’s on Friday, in two days.”

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