Un-Fare-ly Disadvantaged Himself

(I’ve just dropped my daughter off at school and am waiting outside the gates for the taxi I had called to take me to the train station. I have a couple of suitcases with me that I am returning to my sisters in Glasgow. They are quite heavy and I can’t get them into the taxi by myself, requiring the driver to get out and help me. Everything is going fine until the driver is placing one of my suitcases into the boot and I realise I don’t actually have any money on me.)

Me: “Listen, I don’t have any money on me, so we’ll have to—what are you doing?”

(The driver pulls my suitcase out of the boot and throws it onto the ground next to me.)

Driver: “I’ve got actual fares I could be dealing with. Don’t waste my time!”

(Before I can explain, the driver gets in the car and drives away. Instead of getting annoyed, I simply call up another taxi company. They send a car out and I explain the situation. The driver drives me home so I can get money, and then drives me to the train station, where I then pay double the fare I would have had to pay if we’d just driven from the school to the station. That night, after I’d gotten back from my sisters, my wife and I go out to the pub, and who should be there but the first driver. He is sitting with his family and I see he recognises me. I overhear him telling the other people what had happened. I can’t resist the chance, and go over to his table.)

Driver: “I was just telling everyone about how you tried to get a free ride this morning.”

(The others at the table start laughing.)

Me: “That never happened.”

Driver: “Yeah, it did. I was there. Remember?”

Me: “All I remember was you screwing yourself out of a fare. See, I didn’t have any money on me. I was trying to tell you that we’d have to drive back to my house to get the money before going to the station, which was actually double the fare I would’ve paid. But you were so impatient that all you heard was ‘I don’t have any money’ and drove off. But don’t worry, I called another taxi service and they made a killing.”

(I walked off, leaving the driver sitting there as someone at his table called him an idiot.)