Ugly To The Core

(I am waiting in a restaurant for my blind date to arrive, as he’s late. He finally does arrive.)

Date: *sighing and clearly disappointed* “You’re my date?”

Me: “Are you [date’s name]?”

Date: “I was afraid of that. You look much thinner in your photos.”

Me: “And you were much less unpleasant online. What’s your point?”

Date: *scoffs and flops into his chair* “That I deserve better than somebody who looks like you.”

Me: “Sweet pea, if this is how you treat women, then I’d be amazed if you could hold onto one at all. No wonder you’re single.”

Man at the next table: *to my date* “If you think you can do better than somebody who looks like her, then you obviously don’t see what everybody else sees when you look in the mirror.”

Date: “Hey, f*** you, s***-head! I’m the best-looking guy in here!”

Me: “Your acne disagrees with you, dear.” *getting up* “I’m not going to pretend to be the most attractive woman in here, but based on the way you look and act, I can and deserve to do better. Enjoy loneliness.”

(As I was leaving, the man from the next table caught up to me and asked if he could buy me a drink. We’ve been together for a year now!)