Two For Poo With A View

(I work in the box office of a live theater. An elderly woman and her granddaughter approach me.)

Customer: “I want to see [Show] tonight. I need you to find me good tickets!”

Me: “Unfortunately, for the amount of seats you’re looking for, we only have several aisle seats in the balcony available. You’ll all have aisles but won’t be able to sit next to each other.”

Customer’s Granddaughter: “Those seats are good! We should snatch them up!”

Customer: “If they were good seats, they’d have been sold by now!”

Me: “I’m sorry. If I’m to understand you, any seats that I offer you will be unacceptable because they’re available the day of the show?”

Customer: “Exactly!”

Customer’s Granddaughter: *to grandmother* “I smell sewage. Did you just poo?”

Customer: *with an indignant face* “Possibly…”

(The customer buys the tickets I offer her, but not before going in circles and stinking up the lobby for several minutes.)