Trying To Hold Your Head(ache) Up High

(I get really horrible migraines that pretty much turn me into a drooling zombie. Most of the time I just go home, take my meds, and sleep it off. This time, however, I pick up my girlfriend from work and have to pick up a few things on our way home. My girlfriend runs ahead to gather the things on her list quickly so we can leave. I wander over to the drink aisle. On my way over an employee sees me and gives me a really weird look, which I shrug off as I’m not really all there at the moment.)

Employee: “Ahem.” *dramatically clears his throat*

(I look at him to see what he wants, but he just looks back at the shelf he was stocking. So, I continue looking for what I want.)

Employee: “AHEM!”

Me: *slurring my speech a bit because of the pain* “Can I help you?”

Employee: “No. I’m sorry. I was just clearing my throat.”

(The employee walks away to another part of the store. Moments later, I’m walking back to meet my girlfriend at the register when a manager and the employee comes up to me.)

Manager: “Miss, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

Manager: “Miss, we don’t want any trouble, but we need you to leave.”

Me: “What!? Why?”

Manager: “There has been a complaint that you are, um… high. This is a family store, you see, and we can’t have that kind of stuff here. Please leave before I call the cops.”

Me: “I assure you, sir, I am not high. You must have me confused with someone else.”

Employee: “No, I saw you! You can barely walk and talk! You’re obviously hopped up on something!”

(At this point, my head is throbbing, and I just want to be home. Luckily my girlfriend comes up to us.)

Girlfriend: “[My Name]. what’s going on? Are you okay?”

Manager: “No, miss, she’s not. Are you aware that your friend here is stoned?”

Girlfriend: “What!? [My Name]’s never been high in her life!”

Employee: “Then why is she stumbling around the store? I mean, look at her; she’s high as a kite right now!”

Girlfriend: “Oh my gosh, really? Look, she’s got a really bad migraine. It makes her a little out of it. We were just on our way home and needed to stop. Otherwise she would be home asleep by now.”

Me: “Oh, that’s probably why you think I’m high. Sorry. Yeah, when I get a headache I pretty much can’t do much of anything.”

Manager: “Likely story! You’re probably both high! Please leave before we call the cops. Now!”

Girlfriend: *to me* “Hun, show them your pills.”

(I took out my prescription bottle of migraine medicine and showed it to the manager. One look and he blushed, mumbled an apology, and practically ran back to his office, the employee trailing behind. Needless to say we never shopped there again!)