Try Wallmart, Part 2

Me: “Thank you for calling Borders. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m redoing my kitchen right now and I could use some help. I’ve got all the counters and the floors and the cabinets planned, but I can’t decide what to do with the walls. I was thinking some kind of trim would be nice.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: *silent*

Me: “Sorry, what are you looking for?”

Caller: “Just trying to figure out what you offer.”

Me: “Uh, well, I can do a quick search on home renovation or decorating and see what we have?”

Caller: “Don’t you have samples or something?”

Me: “What?”

Caller: *sighs loudly* “SAMPLES. Can you come over and bring me some samples?”

Me: “…What?”

Caller: “Oh, good God. Samples, honey! SAM-PLES. They come in a big binder? Show all your different kinds of wallpaper?”

Me: “You know you’ve called Borders, yes?”

Caller: “Of course!”

Me: “…and you know Borders is a bookstore?”

Caller: “No. It’s a wallpaper company.”

Me: “It’s not; it’s a bookstore. We sell books.”

Caller: “ONLY books?”

Me: “That’s right.”

Caller: “Well, then why the h*** did you name it Borders? It sounds like you do wallpaper borders and trims and things!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Do you want me to look up a book on wallpaper for you?”

Caller: “Can you install it if I find something I like?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “You’re useless!” *hangs up*