Try And See It Through His Author-Eyes

(I’m calling the security company who responds when an alarm goes off at my workplace. They apparently have had some trouble getting in to our building, and I’ve checked their keys to make sure they fit.)

Me: “Hi, I’m [my name] with [company]. My security code is [code]. I’m calling about the keys to our building; you’d apparently had some trouble getting in a couple of weeks ago.”

Security Guard: “Okay. Well I can’t give you any information about that, because you don’t have the proper authorization code.”

Me: “I know; I don’t need information. We had a couple of false alarms here, and the guards said the keys didn’t work, so we brought the keys back to make sure they fit the locks. I’m calling to tell you that the keys are fine.”

Security Guard: “I can’t give you that information.”

Me: “I don’t need information; I already know what happened and what’s going on. I just—”

Security Guard: “Well, I can’t confirm anything about the keys. You’re not authorized.”

Me: “You don’t need to tell me anything, as I already know what’s going on, and am touching the keys right now. They are in my hand.”

Security Guard: “I really can’t give you any information because you’re not authorized.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. I know what happened. I just called to tell you that the keys work just fine, and someone from here will drop them off at your office this week.”

Security Guard: “Oh. Just make sure you send someone with the proper authorization!”