This Should Be Easy, Or Sew It Seams

(I am watching a movie with my boyfriend at his house. Things are starting to get pretty heavy.)

Boyfriend: “Hey, is it alright if I take my pants off?”

(I’m about to object as I’ve never gone this far with anyone before, and am quite modest. I then realize that he’s wearing skinny jeans, and assume he can’t be too comfortable.)

Me: “Sure. Need any help?”

Boyfriend: “No, I got it.”

(He proceeds to undo the belt and zipper. When he starts to pull them off, however, they won’t budge. I’m straddling him, so I sit back, hoping that will help.)

Me: “Are you sure you don’t need any help…?”

Boyfriend: “Don’t worry; I got it.”

(He then stands up and hops on one leg as he struggles to pull them off. He almost gets one leg out, but loses his balance and crashes into the coffee table. The table is on wheels, so he ends up banging his head on the cement floor.)

Me: “Oh, my goodness! Are you okay?”

Boyfriend: “I’m fine! Almost got ’em.”

(Finally, he manages to release himself from his pants and casts them aside.)

Boyfriend: “See, I told you I didn’t need help.”

(I didn’t tell anyone about the situation out of respect for his privacy. A couple months later, however, we went through a nasty breakup, and I always get a perverse kick out of regaling this story to our friends!)