Trumpet Versus A Strumpet

(We are getting ready for band class. One of the trumpet players is grabbing her instrument case from her locker when suddenly her case opens up, all the contents spilling out and making a huge mess: valve oil, cleaning grease, etc. This includes her trumpet, which clatters to the ground hard enough to dent the instrument so badly there is no way she can play it without major repairs. Obviously, she is shocked and sad because of this, and as a few people go to comfort her, another girl starts laughing.)

Girl: “That’s what you get, f***ing slut! F*** your trumpet!”

Me: “Excuse me? Why the h*ll are you laughing?”

Girl: “That b***h though she could be so sneaky and hit on my boyfriend? Nuh-uh! She needs to stay the f*** away from him!”

Trumpet Player: “What…? I’m not hitting on your boyfriend! I don’t even know who your boyfriend is!”

Girl: “Yeah, you do, c***! You thought you could be so clever and hide it, huh? F***ing naming your trumpet after him!”

Trumpet Player: “I named my trumpet ‘B. B. King’…”

(It should be noted that our concert band players have a tradition of naming their instruments after musicians. For example: My saxophone is named after Louis Armstrong.)

Girl: “Exactly!”

Me: “She named her trumpet after a musician…”

Girl: “No! Those are my boyfriend’s initials!”

(Both the trumpet player and I suddenly realize that one of the boys in our school happens to have initials that spell out “B. B. King.”)

Trumpet Player: *suddenly calm* “I’m going to explain something to you very clearly, so we don’t have this misunderstanding again…”

Girl: “What? That you’re a f****** wh*** that should kill herself?”

Trumpet Player: “No… That I’m a F***ING ASEXUAL, YOU F***IG PRICK, AND YOU JUST DAMAGED A $700 INSTRUMENT THAT YOU ARE MOST DEFINITELY PAYING FOR!”

Girl: “I’m not paying for s***!”

(The trumpet player’s family threatened to sue the girl’s family unless she paid for the damages. And it turned out that the girl’s boyfriend wasn’t really happy for the loving gesture consisting of property damage over a coincidentally-named instrument. He dumped her.)