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Truly Beautiful Instant Karma

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 18, 2021

I’m in a coffee shop with my very attractive female friend. She’s the sort of attractive that if you stare directly at her you get mesmerized. A group of young men has come in to queue, and one guy has completely blocked the walkway with his body. My friend is coming back from the toilet. She gets to the back of the guy, who’s laughing with his mates.

Friend: *Cheerfully* “Excuse me, please.”

She is ignored; they don’t seem to see her.

Friend: *A bit less cheerfully* “Um… excuse me, please?”

She is ignored again.

Friend: *Raising her voice* “Erm, I’m sorry, but could I just get past, please?”

She is once again ignored.

Friend: *Snapping* “MOVE!”

The guy turns, looking all irritated.

Guy: “Listen, you stupid b****, men are talking. You could have asked nice—”

He stops, taking her in. He’s stupefied. I’m sure he’s hearing an angelic choir. His mates are looking between the awed guy and my annoyed friend.

Nearby Old Lady: “She asked nicely three times, you oblivious ignoramus! NOW GET OUT OF THE WALKWAY!”

The guy scurries into the line properly. My friend thanks the lady and rejoins me. We’re chatting and the guy rocks up with his coffee. His mates are watching and one is shaking his head.

Guy: *To my friend* “Hey.” 

There’s a really awkward pause as my friend clearly ignores him.

Guy: “You’re beautiful.”

He’s still ignored.

Guy: “I’m sorry for being in the way”

Still ignored.

Guy: “I’m… wondering if I could get your number?”

Friend: *Not looking at him* “This stupid b**** doesn’t date oblivious ignoramuses.”

Guy: “Er. I’m sorry for—”

Me: “Oh, piss off. Even your friends know you’re making a t**t of yourself. Stop giving them more to roast you with later.”

There was an awkward shuffle of shame as he headed back to his laughing mates.

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