True Friends Are Nothing To Fear

(My husband has had the same two best friends since he was ten years old, but they live far away, so we haven’t all gotten to know each other very well yet. Also, I have a terribly embarrassing but legitimately crippling fear of puppets. My husband and I are hanging out with his old friends. As a TV show ends, a well-known comedian who uses dummies in his act comes on screen. I immediately start to run out of the room into the backyard.)

Me: “NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!”

(I reach the backyard and start to calm down, immediately mortified that I had a freak out in front of his friends, not to mention revealed my deepest yet most ridiculous fear. After a few minutes, my husband pokes his head out the back door.)

Husband: “Honey, come back in. The puppets are gone now.”

Me: “I can’t. Too embarrassed.”

Husband: “Honey, please come back inside.”

(I shuffle inside with my head hung low, only to get a hug and a pat on the back from my husband’s two friends.)

Friend #1: “Birds freak me the h*** out. I have nightmares about them.”

Friend #2: “I’m terrified of running water.”

Me: “You won’t tease me? Or tell anyone?”

Friend #1: “Kiddo, we love you. You’re practically family. You’re always safe here.”

Friend #2: “Man, f*** those puppets.”

(On the car ride home, I told my husband I’d marry him all over again for his friends alone!)