Trouble Brewing Over The Matter Of Ownership

(I run a small bar in western Washington. Since I regularly step in to help my employees, I’ve had plenty of the usual fare of customers with no ID, customers who look too young to drink, customers who’ve already had too much to drink, etc. This one, however, will always take the cake.)

Customer: “Pint of [local brew].”

Me: “Certainly. Can I just see your ID first?”

Customer: “No need. Pint of [local brew].”

Me: “I’m afraid there is a need, sir. You’re a handsome but young-looking kid, so I’ve got to check your ID.”

Customer: “Seriously? Do you know who I am?”

Me: “I’m afraid not; that’s why I’m asking.”

(The customer leans over the bar, pushing his face into mine.)

Customer: “I am a paying customer; that means I’m right! [Local brew], now, or how about I come around this bar and kick your d*** a** into the street? A few words to your boss and he’ll fire you on the spot for losing this place my money!”

Me: “I see. Unfortunately, I’m afraid there’s one fatal flaw in your logic there.”

Customer: “Yeah? What’s that?”

Me: “I own this place, meaning it’s up to me to decide who is and is not a paying customer. You haven’t bought anything, and you refuse to show me ID; therefore, you’re not a customer. Also, you’re threatening me, which means you’re not welcome in here anymore, either.”

(The customer’s bravado starts to falter and his face pales as I pull out my phone.)

Me: “So, how about you leave now before I call the police? That way no one has to be kicked into the street.”

Customer: “But… you… gah! You don’t look smart enough to be the owner!”

Me: “Sir, please leave and stop making this worse for yourself.”

(I started dialing the police, while the man thankfully wised up and exited the premises.)