Traveling At The Speed Of Stupid

(I work at a pool as a lifeguard. We always have problems with children running, even though it is the number one rule at the pool to walk on deck.)

Child: *runs across deck*

Me: “Walk please.”

(Five minutes later, the same child runs the other way.)

Me: “WALK!”

(Five minutes later, the child runs in front of me. I stop the child to make sure she understands me.)

Me: “You need to walk, okay? If I need to ask you again, I will sit you out for three minutes.”

(The child walks away and gets back into the pool. The mother approaches me.)

Parent: “She’s not running. She just walks on her tip toes.”

Me: “It’s not the manner of her movement. It’s the speed she’s moving.”

Parent: “But she’s not running.”

(Her child runs past again.)

Me: “WALK!”

Parent: “But she’s not run—”

Child: *slips and falls*