Trauma-Free Cleaning

(I work in an office that handles cleaning and we generally get snobby younger ladies as clients that just like to complain. I answer the phone:)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Your lady traumatized my dog. I want a refund!”

Me: “I’m very sorry. What did you say?”

Customer: “Your cleaning gal traumatized my dog and has made her suffer all day. I want my money back!”

Me: *at this point I’m concerned about the dog since it is a newer girl I don’t know* “I’m sorry, but I need to ask what she was doing to traumatize your dog. Did she hurt it? Should I make a report?”

Customer: “No. She dropped my precious baby-dog’s toy in the toilet after she cleaned it, and my poor baby was in the bathroom crying to get it back. She is traumatized!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, are you sure that the dog didn’t put it in the toilet itself while trying to get a drink?”

Customer: “She is a PRIZED POMERANIAN! She wouldn’t ever dream of drinking out of the toilet! Now, I demand my refund! I have to make her an appointment with the therapist!”

Me: “No, ma’am. I cannot issue a refund because your dog dropped its toy in the toilet. However if the cleaning was unacceptable, I can come out and—”

Customer: “No, the cleaning was fine. I demand my refund within 24 hours, and I will be calling the Better Business Bureau about your ‘business’!” *click*

(My boss laughed for a solid five minutes before she could even say anything.)