Tours Of The Macabre!

My partner and I are visiting a tourist attraction near where my grandparents live. Here there are some tunnels with historical significance, built in the Napoleonic wars and used in WWII. There are some rules in place to protect these tunnels, as there are in most places.

On the first tour, we catch up to a woman and overhear her being reminded not to take photos. She has that surprised look that says, “I didn’t see any of the signs or hear the tannoy announcement at all,” which makes us both roll our eyes and chuckle.

On the next tour, we find that she is in our group.

Tour Guide: “Everything is set out as it would have been in 1943, and although it may be tempting, please do not touch anything as it is covered with a protective sealant. It will not harm you, but if you then happen to put your fingers in your mouth, it will then give you a very upset tummy.”

Woman: “You should just tell them they will die; that will stop them from touching anything.”

And bless the tour guide, he plays along nicely.

Tour Guide: “Yes, you will all die a horrible death; do not touch. Also, please stick to the path that we walk and follow me; some rooms are alarmed so do not be tempted to wander off. There are four miles of tunnels, so if you get lost, it may be a few hours or even days before you are found.”

Woman: “You’ll die if you wander off; that will stop them.”

Tour Guide: “Yes, you will fall into a trap door and die. Let’s get started, shall we?”

As we end the tour, we’ve noticed that this woman has attempted to touch things and even wandered off at some points. She’s been the only person to do this, which makes us both laugh at the absurdity. It appears the tour guide noticed, as well.

Tour Guide: “That was the end of our tour; thank you for joining us. And to you, missy, I noticed you’d have died at least twice, touching the plates of food, and—”

Woman: *Cutting him off* “But it looked so real! I just wanted to know if it was real!”

Tour Guide: “And wandering off into other rooms!”

Woman: “I just wanted to know what was in there!”

Tour Guide: “To all that survived this tour, have a safe journey home. And to all that died on this tour, I hope it’s peaceful. Thank you.”