Totally Second Floored You With That Request

, , , | Right | August 2, 2019

(I work as a desk clerk at a motel and a woman walks in asking for a room.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I’d like a single smoking room.”

Me: “Sure. Can you fill this folio out, please?”

Customer: “Actually, before I fill this out, you should know I’m a very light sleeper. I wake up to even the slightest noise.”

Me: “If you’d like, I can put you upstairs near the back?”

Customer: “Will there be people in the rooms around me?”

Me: “Well, currently, there’s no one around you, but I can’t guarantee that throughout the night. If we get busier, I will have to rent those rooms out, but I’ll try to save those off until the last minute.”

Customer: “I see. Can you actually please try to refrain from renting any rooms at all on the second floor?”

Me: “Again, I can’t promise you that. If a customer asks for an upstairs room, I’ll have to rent it to them.”

Customer: “I see. Can I ask, how many staircases do you have?”

Me: “Just two. The front stairs here, and then one in the back.”

Customer: “How many people use the front staircase?”

Me: “Uh, I’m not exactly sure.”

Customer: “How about the back stairs?”

Me: “Ma’am, I wouldn’t know. Customers are allowed to use whichever staircase they prefer.”

(She becomes irritated.)

Customer: “Oh, I see. Well, I’m a very light sleeper! I cannot have any noise at all!”

Me: “Ma’am, I honestly cannot promise you that, but if anyone is being unreasonably loud, please do inform us and we’ll deal with the situation.”

Customer: “How about the housemaids?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Are they loud? In the morning?”

Me: “No, if you place the ‘do not disturb’ sign in front of your door they will not bother you.”

Customer: “I really would prefer it if you just wouldn’t rent any other rooms out on the second floor!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can only promise you that if you’d be willing to pay for the entire second floor.”

Customer: “No, that’s absurd. I’m not rich. Just make sure it’s quiet.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’ll try my best.”

(I was never so tempted in my entire life to bang pots and pans outside a customer’s room until I met her!)

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