Totally Bugging Out

(I have severe entomophobia: the fear of bugs. Consequently, I always stay indoors. One day, I am playing video games when something on the floor catches my eye. It is a roach crawling across the ground, one of those winged ones. It also is HUGE. I freak out and run to my bedroom.)

Me: *grabbing phone* “[Roommate], get back home quickly! Please!”

(My roommate hears my fear and is instantly concerned.)

Roommate: “What’s wrong?”

Me: *gibbering* “There a huge disgusting roach in the living room! Help!”

Roommate: “Oh, geez, is that all? Just throw a shoe at it. I thought there was a robber in the house or something.”

Me: “It’s huge! And it has wings!”

Roommate: “Fine, I’ll be there.”

(He comes home and I point out where the roach is. By this time, I’m sobbing like a crazy person and whimpering.)

Roommate: “Is that it?! Holy s***! It’s the biggest roach I’ve ever seen.”

Me: “Just kill it before I go crazy!”

(My roommate got a shoe and tried to smash it, but then the roach HISSED at him and flew around! I fainted and was woken by my roommate. He killed it but I insisted on calling an exterminator.)