Total Recall Of A Total A**hole

(I work at an auto dealership. A customer comes into our service aisle with a car model that was discontinued a decade ago.)

Customer: “I am here for the recall.”

(The customer, grinning from ear to ear, hands me the recall notification mailer. This is a common recall and I know without looking that we have the parts in stock. We are also not busy.)

Me: “This takes less than half an hour, and we have people available right now. Or would you like to schedule an appointment and come back later?”

(The customer beams with joy, hands me the keys, and goes to the waiting area. Odd, but pretty standard stuff. Ten minutes later, I return to the waiting area with the customer’s keys.)

Me: “Your car is finished. We ran it through the wash rack. Here are your paperwork and keys.”

(The customer dances with excitement looking like a puppy that is about to wet itself, and then rushes to the service aisle.)

Customer: “That is my old car.”

Me: “Yes, right there.”

Customer: “Where is my new car?”

Me: “What new car?”

Customer: “FOR THE RECALL.”

Me: “Yes, we performed the recall; we replaced [parts involved in recall].”

Customer: “YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME A NEW CAR!”

(Now the customer’s excitement and sudden anger make sense. I try to explain that in small consumer products they replace an item because it is cheap, but a dealer only replaces the defective parts. After demanding to see the service manager and owner and screaming at us, the customer only leaves when the owner threatened to call the cops. As the customer is escorted to their car, they scream that they are going to have their lawyer sue us.)

Owner: “Here is a card with the corporate complaint hotline, and here is my card. Now leave!”

(The customer almost hit a parked car as they peeled out of the parking lot. I looked into the computer; they had never visited us before, and I silently prayed to the auto gods that they would never return.)