Took a Hard(wired) Fall

CONTENT WARNING: Injury detail, blood.

I used to work for a company that supplies overhead music to big business chains (Think Target, Starbucks, Hot Topic, etc.) My department provides technical support to stores when their music isn’t working. 

When something goes down in a store, we have to troubleshoot with the store itself. So, if we’re calling a Starbucks location, it’s going to be some uninvested barista or assistant manager who couldn’t care less that their system isn’t blaring the same corporate songs twenty times a day. 

Mind you, that DOES mean that we have a hard time getting the people at the store to troubleshoot with us at all. This was the case with a Starbucks I called. The first three attempts went something like this:

Me: “Hey there, my name is [My Name] from [Company]. I’m reaching out today regarding your overhead music. Is a manager available to talk?”

Store Manager: “This is her. When is a technician coming out?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I’m unable to send a tech out unless I verify some things with the system first. Do you have time to remote troubleshoot?”

Store Manager: “No, just send a tech.” *Click.*

This happened a few times over the course of two days, trying to call at all different times to try and catch the store at a less busy time. Unfortunately, due to company policy, we cannot send a technician out unless new equipment needs to be installed or there’s an issue that cannot be solved remotely.

Eventually, on my fourth or fifth call, the manager finally relented. Once we get the store to agree to troubleshoot, it generally only takes five minutes.

We have very simple setups. If you can hook up a video game console, you can hook up one of our players, and even the least tech-savvy person can usually follow along with our instructions for troubleshooting. So, we begin.

Me: “Great! Are you able to locate your music player and amplifier?”

Store Manager: “No, I don’t know where they are.”

Me: “…Have you ever changed the volume of the music in your store?”

Store Manager: “Yes, there’s a box with a little knob.”

Me: “That’s the amplifier.”

Store Manager: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?”

I rolled my eyes and apologized for not being clearer, but continued anyway.

Store Manager: “It’s up on a shelf too high. I can’t reach it.”

Me: “Well… how do you reach it when you want to change the volume?”

Store Manager: “I get a step stool, but I don’t know where it is right now!”

I try my best not to sigh in exasperation as she tries her very best to insist that there’s no way she can troubleshoot. She just repeatedly asks if I can send a tech and whines about not being able to reach the equipment.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sure you’ll find the step stool if you look.”

Store Manager: “Fine then, I’ll just use my chair.”

Huge red flag went up.

Me: “I’d advise against that, ma’am; it might not be stable.”

Store Manager: “I think I’m perfectly capable of standing on a chair, thank you.”

Me: “Ma’am, some of that equipment is very heavy, and it’s not safe to use a chair to reach it for troubleshooting.”

Store Manager: “Listen, why don’t you stick to doing your job and not worry about what I’m doing, okay?”

After she says this, I hear some skidding noises coming from the other end of the phone.

Me: “Is everything alright?”

Store Manager: “I’m fine, just rolling my office chair to the shelf.”

Me: “Ma’am, please don’t stand on a chair with wheels.”

She ignored me completely and just asked:

Store Manager: “Okay, so what am I—”

She was abruptly cut off as I heard a loud thud followed by an even louder CRASH!

Me: “Ma’am, are you okay?

No answer…

I try in vain for about a minute to call out to the woman on the other end, steadily getting more and more worried that she’s seriously injured. Eventually, someone ELSE picks up the phone.

Barista: “Hey, so uh… she can’t come back to the phone right now, her forehead is bleeding.”

Me: “What happened?

So not only did she fall off the chair onto her back, but she had brought the amplifier WITH her. Our amplifiers are about the size of an Xbox, and the corners are NOT rounded. It had landed on its corner on her forehead while she was lying on the ground.

After a few moments of stunned silence, not knowing where to go from here, I simply ask.

Me: “Is the amp disconnected from everything else?”

Barista: “Yeah?

Me: “Cool… then this counts as an install. I’m sending a technician. Have a nice day.” *Click.*

I take a moment to recover before going back to making outbound calls. Luckily, the store never calls to complain about that interaction, and I continue on with my day, acting as if it never happened.