Too Lazy To Get A Pizza The Action

(It’s a national holiday meaning that most places are either closed, or only open for a reduced amount of time. Unfortunately I am at work along with nearly 100 other workers. Because we are all working the holiday, my boss has offered to buy pizza for all of us. He asks me to call and arrange.)

Pizza Place: *all in one tone* “Hello. Welcome to [Pizza Place]. How may I take your order?”

Me: “Hi. I need to place an order for 10 pizzas, some snacks, and drinks. When do you think you could deliver that by?”

Pizza Place: “Sorry, we don’t have a driver today.”

Me: “Okay, I suppose I could arrange someone to leave work for a bit. When could I pick them up?”

Pizza Place: “Sorry. We are too busy to place an order of that size.”

Me: “What?! It’s 11:01am. You have literally just opened. How can you possibly be too busy?”

Pizza Place: “Sorry. We don’t have the staff today. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “Anything else? No, I don’t think so.”

(I give it five minutes. I ring again.)

Pizza Place: *all in one tone* “Hello. Welcome to [Pizza Place]. How may I take your order?”

Me: “Yes. Can I place an order for five pizzas for [First Name], for collection, please?”

(I ring again.)

Me: “Yes. Can I place an order for five pizzas for [Last Name], for collection, please?”

(I go to collect and the shop is empty apart from the staff. As I’m early and the pizza is a little late I’m there for a good 10 minutes. No customers come in and the phone doesn’t ring once.)

Me: “I’m here for a collection for [First Name] and a collection for [Last Name].”

Cashier: “Er, why didn’t you order them together? You would have got a discount.”

Me: “Apparently you were…” *I look around at the empty shop* “…too busy”.

Cashier: “You are the first customer we have had all day.”