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Tobacco Woah!

, , , | Right | September 14, 2020

Back in my college days, I work in a tobacco shop. One evening, a woman comes up to the counter and points to one of the jars of bulk pipe tobacco.

Customer: “Can I buy some of this for my husband?”

Me: “Certainly, how much would you like?”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “We sell it by weight.”

I give her the prices for one ounce, four ounces, and sixteen ounces.

Customer: “Sixteen ounces… how much does that weigh?”

Me: “About a pound, usually.”

Customer: “That should be enough for two or three days, right?”

Me: “Umm… that would be a great plenty for two or three months, for most people.”

Customer: “Okay, that sounds fine.”

Sixteen ounces of tobacco is very nearly the full jar, so I step into the humidor room for the bulk carton. I weigh out the first eight ounces and pour it into the bag when she lets loose a half-gasp and half-scream.

Customer: “My God, are you trying to kill him? That’s way too much!”

Me: “I wondered when you asked for sixteen ounces. This is only eight. How about I give you a one-ounce pouch, and you can see how that works out?”

Customer: “Okay, he really doesn’t need that much.”

Me: “That’s fine.”

I grab a ziplock pouch and measure one ounce into it, close it, write down the flavor, and hand it to her.

Customer: “That’s not nearly enough! We’d better go with the pound after all.”

Me: “The bag I started filling for you only had eight ounces in it. Are you sure you really want a pound?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, one pound would be perfect. Eight ounces is way too much.”

Me: “Very good, then.”

I bagged up a pound of tobacco, taking care to compress it so it didn’t look so daunting, and labeled it, and she went on her way happy, especially since I gave her the extra ounce pouch.

To this day, I have no idea how long it took her husband to finish it all off.

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