To Think Outside The Box, One Must Open The Box

I once had a woman call me when I worked for an ISP.

Caller: “My Internet has gone out.”

Me: “What lights are shining on your modem?”

Caller: “None.”

Me: “Is it plugged in?”

Caller: “Of course not, it’s wireless.”

She’s not even taken it out of the box. She just set the modem in the box in her closet, and expected it would just start absorbing electricity from the air.

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not how any electronics work, let alone a modem.”

Caller: “It’s been working for months!”

Me: “You’ve had internet access at home? For months?”

Caller: “Yes! Until yesterday!”

Me: “Are you in a house or apartment?”

Caller: “Apartment.”

Me: “Did a neighbor move out yesterday?”

Caller: “How did you know that?!”

Yup. The guy next door had moved out, and her internet stopped working about the same time. Turns out she was just using his unsecured connection this whole time.

I take some time to explain all this to her. Is she grateful that I’ve been able to get her up to speed?

Caller: “You mean I’ve been paying for a service I haven’t been using? I want a refund!”

You just can’t win…