To Heck With Your Feelings!

, , , , | Learning | August 11, 2020

I’m about thirteen years old. Though I now have an autism spectrum disorder and anxiety disorder diagnosis, at that time I only had the anxiety disorder one. My class consists of only thirteen people including me. I am not a popular person and have never been. 

This occurred in biology, with a teacher I have since gotten to know as completely ignorant of teenage sociology. He is setting up a small group assignment. He won’t set the groups himself. Instead, he calls students to the front, one by one, to ask who they want to be paired up with. I am dreading this as I can see everyone in my class is already pairing up. Unluckily enough, I am called to the front to pick a partner. I know the only four remaining people have already paired up and I can see their dislike of the situation in their faces. My anxiety gets sky-high and I shake my head, unable to speak. He pushes me a bit more, causing me to almost break out in tears. Instead of finding out what the problem is with this clearly distressed young girl, he sends me out of class. 

Keep in mind that I’m normally a really well-behaved girl and have never gotten in trouble with teachers before. Being sent out of class is something really negative in that school. I tear up outside the classroom and cry. 

At some point — I can’t remember whether it is the end of the day or the end of the class — I have to return to him. By this point, my anxiety has dropped and has become anger. I am given a few sheets to copy in my own writing. It is this absolutely horrendously finger waggling set of rules, both normal and moral, and it gets me even angrier. 

Granted, I am a little rebel and decide to just write unreadable squiggles instead of what was actually written — not that far off from my handwriting then — but I still feel like I have done nothing wrong. 

In the end, I am stuck with that particular teacher for five or six years of biology. There isn’t a year without incident with that teacher.

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