To Go, Away

(I am working in the lobby of a fast food restaurant this evening, and it’s pretty dead. A man walks in and takes his time looking over the menu.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer: “This order will be to go.”

Me: “All right.”

(I usually ask customers after taking their order whether their order is “for here” or “to go.” After working this job for so long, it’s really all habitual now.)

Customer: “I would like a bean burrito and a large drink.”

Me: “All right, that’s [total]. Is this for here or to go? Oh, wait. Never mind; you said, ‘To go.’ I remember!”

Customer: *looks at me with a bewildered face* “What? Are you stoned?”

Me: *in shock* “No, sir. I swear, I have never done any drugs.”

Customer: “Yeah, sure.”

(The transaction went normally after that. I later told my manager, who laughed and said, “Of all the employees who work here, he had to pick the one that doesn’t do any of those!”)