To Be Fair, He’s Too Stupid To Steal Anything

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2020

(This is something I deal with on a regular basis.)

Customer: “I cannot remember my account name or password.”

Me: “Okay, I will see what we can do for you. Can I have the phone number on the account?”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “Okay, can I have your address?”

Customer: “I’m not sure.”

Me: *every time!* “I’m sorry, but you have not provided enough information for me to find an account.”

Customer: “This is a f****** joke, mate. I’m paying for a service that I can’t get access to; this is illegal.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you if you have forgotten your details.”

Customer: “I want my account back now!

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot find an account because you don’t have any details.”

Customer: “Fine! Well then, I will create a new account, but I want everything for my old account transferred to my new account.”

Me: “I’m sorry but this is not possible, as I need to find an account, and then I need you to pass security.”

Customer: “If you don’t give me either my account back or all my stuff on a new account, I’m bringing you to court for theft. It’s theft, not giving me my stuff back!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but before contacting a solicitor or legal aid, I advise you to read the terms of use you agreed to; it states clearly to keep your details up to date at all times.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you. You’re f****** disgraceful! All I want is my account back.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center].” *then I say in the friendliest, most upbeat and cheerful voice I can* “Have a wonderful day!”

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