Time To Wake Up And Taste The Martian Coffee

| Albany, NY, USA | Right | July 15, 2017

Customer: “Do you have decaf iced coffee?”

Me: “No, our prepared iced coffee isn’t decaf, but I can make you one by putting our hot decaf over ice if you’d like.”

Customer: “Too much work.”

Me: “We have decaf iced lattes if you would rather have that.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “So a decaf iced latte?”

Customer: “Yeah. No drink.”

Me: “Wait, no drink?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay.” *finishing transaction*

Customer: “Can I have a cup for my coffee?”

(I’m so confused.)

Customer: “What did I order? Did I get a drink?”

Me: “No…?”

Customer: “I feel like I’m on Mars.”

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  • Difdi

    And he acts like he’s from Mars.

  • Kathy Joy

    Customer: “I feel like I’m on Mars.”

    No, I think you might actually BE from Mars. I mean first, you didn’t want them to pour decaff coffee over ice because it was ‘too much work’…? One, it’s really not hard to pour coffee over ice cubes, and two, they’re not going to make *you* do it so I don’t know why it should matter if it was hard work. Then you don’t even know if you ordered a drink.

    I think either that customer *really* needs a fully caffeinated coffee OR they are high off their balls.

    • Abigail Hermione Irwin

      Very well put!

    • nope

      Possibly both.

  • motherfckngfox

    Pretty sure they were high on something.

  • JenL

    I’m thinking this customer should have gone with caffeine. 😉

  • QueenCheetah

    “The Earth? Oh, I’m going to blow it up, it obstructs my view of Venus. But first, coffee!”

    • Nightshade1972

      I wish we could have the Haha FB icon on this page.


    • kiden

      Where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an Earth shattering kaboom!

  • Kitty

    What does this customer think a latte is?

    • nope

      It’s when you don’t get somewhere on time, silly. Now where’s my coffee with milk?

  • Lisa Presley

    So, not being a coffee drinker, I’m a bit confused. Isn’t a latte basically a coffee with milk? And an iced coffee is… very similar?

    • Stacie Marie Carrel

      Latte is espresso, not coffee, plus steamed milk. Iced latte is the same but poured into a cup with ice. Iced coffee is standard drip coffee over ice.
      By “prepared” they likely have a decanter of caffeinated coffee and ice, but not decaf like the customer wants.

      • Lisa Presley

        Thanks! I forget that ‘drip coffee’ is a thing. That makes a lot more sense. Here (Australia) I’d expect an iced coffee to be a milky thing.

        • Rebekah

          Yeah, as a Kiwi, I was very disappointed when I asked for an iced chai in Starbucks because i thought it’d be like an iced coffee or chocolate or chai at a restaurant – milk and icecream and cream, not very good for you but yummy. I did find out though that if you ask they’ll make a chai frappe, which is basically what I was after.

        • TheWonderRabbit

          Iced coffee here in Aus varies. Some places use the drip method (for cocktails mostly), but most cafes serve a chilled coffee with milk kinda thing.

    • Yeah, an iced coffee in America is cold filter coffee. An iced coffee here is basically an iced latte. I was not a happy camper when I asked for an iced coffee in the States without knowing this.

      Stacie- filter coffee isn’t very popular outside of America, so espresso based drinks are the default for coffee. To say it’s espresso not coffee is nonsensical in Australia- like saying it’s pig not pork

  • LittleMissCloud

    That customer really needs their coffee before their coffee.

  • Jenni Sowvlen

    Pouring hot coffee over ice doesn’t make it cold, it just melts the ice and waters the coffee down.

    • Tricorvus

      I do that every night then stick it in the fridge so that I can get up and grab my ice coffee right off the bat in the morning. Believe me it saves lives

      • Clay

        That’s just called “cold day-old coffee”.

        • BrickBat

          and it’s delicious!

        • Tricorvus

          There’s more than 8 hours in a day, did you know?

          • Clay

            Okay… and?

    • kiden

      That’s how ice coffee is made, it’s just brewed a lot stronger first so you don’t end up with super weak coffee.

      • Jenni Sowvlen

        I can only say how Starbucks used to make it when I worked there. We would brew an extra strong pot of coffee, then put the contents in a container that went in the fridge. So you weren’t pouring hot coffee over ice

        • wrawfawb

          I worked at Dunkin’ Donuts and we brewed it hot, extra strong, straight into a tank of ice water. It didn’t go in the fridge. I agree though that you can’t just do that with normal strength hot coffee!

      • Stacy

        That’s not how it’s made in most places. Most iced coffee is either brewed double strength and then just put into a fridge until it’s cold. Or it’s steeped for anywhere between 12-24 hours in the fridge.

        • Dsru Bin

          Why brew double-strength if it’s just going to be cooled in a fridge? It should be one or the other – brew it double-strength and pour it (hot) over ice to water it down to normal-strength, or brew it normal-strength and chill it.

          • Stacy

            There is a big taste and quality difference having to do with the different flavor and aroma notes in coffee.

          • Dsru Bin

            And that difference is relevant, how? Does double-strength taste better? If so, why isn’t hot (served) coffee brewed double-strength?

          • Stacy

            If you want to know, go research it.

            There is science behind it and if I decide later on to take the time to explain it, I will. But you are more than capable of finding out the answer yourself.

          • Dsru Bin

            You made a comment that – at face value – is irrelevant to the subject being discussed. You were called on it, and you responded with, “look it up”. In other words, you were talking out of your assk.

          • Stacy

            LOL. I see that you’re going with the mindset of “I don’t understand it therefore it can’t be true.”

            While you’re Googling to educate yourself, you should also look into Q Grader certification. Spoiler alert: I’m a Q Grader (although I no longer work in the coffee industry).

          • Marina Dribnenki

            The ice added later still dilutes it.

          • Dsru Bin

            To claim that the ice dilutes it from double-strength to single-strength requires that there is (at minimum) an equal volume of ice and coffee in the cup, and that all of the ice melts before drinking the coffee. Personally, when I buy iced coffee, I drink it while the ice is still mostly solid. The little bit that melts between the time I buy it and the time I drink it does not dilute it signficantly.

      • cylon_toast

        That’s how I make iced tea (real tea not like nestea). I brew double strength hot tea and then dump it in a cup of ice. Some of the ice melts, but not nearly all of it and then in a couple minutes it is cold.

    • Alétheia

      Seriously. I’m nowhere near a coffee drinker and I know that. One would expect a worker in a cafe to know that instead of offering it.

      Now, if they made it like iced tea, it might be a different story (like, triple strength hot, tempering it with some water so it’s not burning hot, then pouring it over ice so that it dilutes to the right strength when the ice melts)…

  • Cathrope

    Come back to Earth our little space cadet.

  • Lorraine ER

    I’m confused too, what just happened and why wasn’t the cashier confused from the beginning?

    Customer orders a coffee but not a drink? Is coffee not a drink?
    Then wants a cup…did the coffee not come in a cup? Then asks if he ordered a drink?? Yes, you ordered a latte! What is happening??! 🙁

    • Dawn

      Thank you for summing up all my issues. I read the comments from before, which mostly focused on why one would (or wouldn’t) want a hot drink over ice. I didn’t care about that. That I could follow. I could follow that they had pre-made drinks, the customer’s preferred premade drink wasn’t available, etc.

      But the moment he ordered the coffee, “no drink”, i was flummoxed. Then he asked for a cup and the flummox spiraled.

  • Mary Davis

    Weirdness of the customer aside, why didn’t op just offer a decaf iced americano? They can do a decaf iced latte so I’m assuming they have espresso.

  • Denton Young

    I think the customer’s brain went on a permanent vacation to Mars.

  • Mythagoras

    It sounds like this was part of a larger order, presumably including food, so when the customer asked for “no drink”, they were probably talking about soda/water/juice, not refusing the coffee they had just ordered.

    • StephP

      Yeah, I thought that was obvious. No “drink” means “no soft drink that comes with the combo.” I wonder if it is a regional thing and the customer is a transplant.

      • wrawfawb

        idk, it’s a café not a fast food joint and I’ve never seen a combo meal at a café…

  • Katie Manning
  • “Or stuck in Uranus.”

  • Marina Dribnenki

    Saying “No drink.” generally implies you are not ordering a drink regardless of your state of mind. Maybe caffeine is the better choice.