Time To Straighten Out The Relationship Dynamics

(I and my brother are having lunch. Note that we’re male and straight.)

Waitress: “Oh, my God! You two are so adorable.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Brother: *smiling* “Really?”

(I realized what she meant and knowing my brother I kept quiet to see what he does.)

Waitress: “Yes! Gosh, you guys look perfect. Let me get you something on house. I’ll be back.”

Me: “What do you think you’re doing?”

Brother: “This doesn’t happen often in real life.”

Me: “But this is wrong!”

Brother: “Who cares? We get free foods!”

(My cousin walks in and sees us. We greet each other.)

Cousin: *takes a seat* “I was hoping to run into you guys. I’m throwing a party next week and I bet we going to have so much fun. I invited Greg. He said—”

Waitress: *returning* “OH. MY. GOD!”

Cousin: *looks up* “What?”

Me: *realizing what she’s thinking* “NOOO!”

Brother: “YES!”