Time To Get Rid Of A Major Anxiety Source

, , , , | Romantic | April 6, 2020

I was on anti-anxiety meds but stopped because I felt better and my doctor agreed I could take a break. I start feeling like I should go back on them, so I tell my boyfriend about my thoughts while we are watching TV one evening.

Me: “I’ve been thinking about going back on [medication].”

My boyfriend doesn’t look away from the TV.

Boyfriend: “Why?”

Me: “I’ve just been feeling… low-level anxious all the time.”

Boyfriend: “Well, why?”

Me: “I don’t know, I just—”

My boyfriend glances at me before going back to the TV

Boyfriend: “What are you doing that’s making you anxious?”

Me: “I don’t know, it’s—”

Boyfriend: “So, why go back on?”

Me: “Because I just feel anxious all the time. I always think you’re mad at me or I’ve forgotten something. I always wonder if customers at work are mad at me. I’m not getting decent sleep.”

Boyfriend: “Last time, you laid in bed for a whole week until things got balanced out, you barely ate or showered, and your sex drive plummeted. What about all that?”

Me: “I know, but—”

Boyfriend: “Can you do something else? Go to the gym? Drink more water?”

Me: *Giving up* “Whatever.” 

Silence.

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Boyfriend: “Oh, now you’re mad at me? Why?”

Me: *Annoyed and hurt* “You’re not listening.”

Boyfriend: “I am listening! You’re not saying anything! How am I supposed to help if you’re not telling me anything?”

Me: “I’m not asking for your help! I’m trying to tell you how I feel and you just keep interrupting me.”

Boyfriend: “You’re not saying anything!”

Me: “I can’t do this. Forget I said anything.”

Boyfriend: “I’m just saying that I think there are alternate options before going back on your meds.”

Me: “Okay, thanks.”

A few weeks later, I’ve tried all the non-medication options out there and, while things have improved a little, it’s not enough and I feel like I could be better with medication. I call to make an appointment with my doctor. My boyfriend comes in while I am finalizing.

Me: *On the phone* “Yes, thank you. I’ll see [Doctor], then.” *Hangs up*

Boyfriend: “What was that?”

Me: “Oh, I made an appointment with [Doctor].”

Boyfriend: “Why?”

Me: “I’m still not feeling right.”

Boyfriend: “Did you try—”

Me: “Yes.”

Boyfriend: “You don’t even know what I was going to say.”

Me: “Exercise, water, outdoor activities, vitamins, yoga, meditation, a schedule. Yes, I tried it all.”

Boyfriend: “Are you going back on [medication]?”

Me: “I don’t know; we haven’t discussed it.”

Boyfriend: “Well, I don’t think you should. Maybe you should just figure it out.”

Me: *Astonished* “You are… just…”

Boyfriend: “What?”

Me: “Insensitive.”

Boyfriend: “I’m just saying, you know what happened last time. The side effects—”

Me: “Are not as bad as feeling like this all the f****** time!”

Boyfriend: “You’re mad at me again?”

Me: “I’m mad because I tried to come to you and all you did was shoot me down! You don’t listen!”

Boyfriend: “So, you want to go back on your drugs?”

Me: “No, I don’t want to, but right now I think I need to.”

Boyfriend: “That’s ridiculous.”

He throws his arms up.

Boyfriend: “You know what? You do whatever you want, just like you always do!”

He walked out. I went to my appointment and asked if there was another medication or something I could do to get myself straightened out. The doctor recommended a different medication with fewer side effects. I still had a transition period of about a week but it wasn’t nearly as bad as before.

My boyfriend did come back, but I told him if he wanted to stick around, he was going to have to stop interrupting me and start listening. We even started going to therapy and the therapist told him the same thing: to listen instead of trying to fix everything right away. He said he would try, but it turned out to be too difficult; he left again a month later and hasn’t been back.

I, however, am doing great!

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