Time To Assay The Essay Situation

(My biology class, and the four other biology classes in our year, have been asked to write a 500-word essay by the head of biology, who we see once a week.)

(3rd week of September:)

Biology Teacher: “Okay, so if you all hand in your microscopy essays to me now, I should have them marked for your next lesson.”

(4th week of September:)

Biology Teacher: “So, I forgot that I have five biology classes worth of essays to mark, so your essays will be a little longer.”

(Last week before Christmas:)

Biology Teacher: “Okay, I’m going to spend this whole holiday marking, so I promise you’ll have your essays back to you in January.”

(March:)

Biology Teacher: “I know that some of you are upset that this is taking so long, but I swear to you, you will have your marks for these essays back before your exams so you can use them to revise.”

(It is now June, which is three weeks after the biology exams, and we are in our last lesson before the summer begins.)

Biology Teacher: “Guess who’s finally marked your essays? There’s just one catch: I might have lost half of them.”

Classmate: “What took you so long marking them then?”

Biology Teacher: “You can’t expect me to mark essays! I deal in science, not WORDS.”

(I am reliably informed that the next year’s biology classes won’t have to write any essays.)