Time To Send Him Back To The Ranch

(A customer comes to pick up his to-go order.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can get you? Napkins? Utensils?”

Customer: “I want ranch.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just go get you some.”

(I go and fill two to-go ramekins.)

Customer: “I want more than that.”

Me: “How much more?”

Customer: “I want two of those soup cups full.”

Me: “They’re sixteen ounces each.”

Customer: “So?”

Me: “We will have to charge you.”

Customer: “WHY?”

Me: “Ranch isn’t a condiment; it’s a dressing. I’m not even allowed to give you the two smaller ones I just poured for you without charging you.”

Customer: “This is highway robbery!”

Me: “Do you get free bottles of ranch at the store?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “How is it any different here?”

Customer: “I want to talk to your manager! You’ll lose your job; I’ll have you fired!”

Me: “Over ranch?”

(My manager comes over. Needless to say, she tells him the exact thing I just told him. He threatens to call corporate.)

Manager: “They’re going to tell you the same thing, sir.”

Customer: “So, are you going to give me my ranch?”

Manager: “Have you paid for it?”

Customer: “No.”

Manager: “Well, if you haven’t, and you don’t intend to, you’re not getting ranch.”